On Love & Love Day
Valentine’s Day has just passed, and it’s hard to ignore—the stores are brimming with chocolates, pink and red balloons are everywhere, and it seems like every other person has a bouquet in their arms. Even the pizzas are heart-shaped! This time of year always gets me thinking about how we conceptualize and value love. The tradition of celebrating romantic love on February 14 dates back to the 14th century with poems and feasts, and it has evolved into a global, consumer-driven celebration. In fact, according to a National Retail Federation survey, Americans alone were expected to spend a staggering $27.5 billion on gifts and festivities this year.
With all the pressure to participate in this commercialized version of love, it’s no surprise that Valentine’s Day can bring up feelings of stress, anxiety, or even a sense of inadequacy, whether we’re in a relationship or not. But Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be just about the cards, flowers, chocolates, or fancy dinners. Not everyone fits into the same mold. Some people choose to opt out of the traditional celebrations, rejecting the consumer-driven, Hallmarkian approach, and that’s completely valid.
Personally, I don’t have a strong attachment to the day itself, but I can’t think of a reason not to celebrate love in all its forms. The most important takeaway here is that how you choose to celebrate—or not celebrate—Valentine’s Day is entirely up to you. It’s not about adhering to social norms, giving in to advertising pressure, or following some movie plot. It’s about communicating with the people in your life and negotiating your own expectations for love. Take a moment to check in with yourself: Are you feeling full and warm, or are you left feeling confused, guilty, or lonely? What does that tell you about your needs for connection, intimacy, or communication?
While Valentine’s Day is often focused on romantic love, it’s important to remember that love exists in many forms—and all of them are equally valuable. Platonic love with friends, familial love, love for our pets, and even self-love all deserve to be recognized and honored. These aren’t just feelings to celebrate on Valentine’s Day, but every day. Especially in difficult times, nurturing love in all its forms can be a powerful way to stay grounded.
Valentine’s Day can serve as a simple reminder to show gratitude and affection for the people you care about, including yourself. No matter where you fall on the spectrum of Love Day experiences, it doesn’t have to (and I’d even recommend that it doesn’t) end there. Keep being intentional about showing love and receiving it. Go on dates with your partner(s), go on dates with your friends, and don’t forget to take yourself on dates, too. Love is something to be celebrated every day, in all its beautiful, multifaceted forms.
Logan Kim, is a queer, non-binary, Asian-American Associate Marriage and Family Therapist. They work with individuals and couples from a relational and social justice-oriented approach. Logan is particularly passionate about their work with queer and trans clients, exploring issues around identity, relationships, and the implications of existing in a cisheteronormative society.
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