On the Therapy Waiting Room & Imagination
Clients rarely talk in the waiting room. Occasionally when I walk over to greet someone I’ll hear the tail end of a little chat, but more often I find people sitting silently, looking at their phone or down at the floor, maybe at one of our coffee table books. It’s okay—I don’t blame anyone! The messaging our culture gives us is that this is the polite and correct way to be in a waiting room. Who knows what someone could be here to talk about! Don’t want to be intrusive or rude or disruptive!
But I have fantasies of what it would be like if people started talking.
What if Therapy Clients Could Engage with Each Other?
Because as a therapist with so many lovely, interesting clients, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if you all got to meet each other! So much of what I talk about in therapy is relationships—good ones, bad ones, imagined ones, complicated ones, familial ones, how to have one, how to end one, how to change one, how to expand one. And I also talk a lot about the opposite—isolation, longing, loneliness, loss. These things are the stuff of life. (This is also why Relational Therapy works.)
It's a sweeping generalization, but I really think most people want more people in their lives and more vulnerable, connected relationships. It’s some combination of our current cultural moment, social media, capitalism, individualism. People are feeling isolated and vulnerability is a big risk. I really, really get it.
Why Therapy Clients Make Great Friends & Partners
But it’s hard to ignore the thematic resonance between the conversations I’m having, and then see that many of you are passing through this very same waiting room week after week. And it’s not just my clients! The people who come to Kindman & Co. are a self-selecting bunch. You all care about growing and learning, you’re curious, you hold your values deeply. I swear some of you would be great neighbors, friends, confidants, maybe even great loves.
Plus, a lot of you are starting to think about relationships more expansively. You’re getting bold and wanting to try new things (or old things, newly). There’s been a lot of media lately about different ways to be in relationship—whether that’s polyamory/consensual nonmonogamy, intergenerational friendships, multigenerational housing—the list goes on.
How Imagination Helps Build Expansive Relationships
One that particularly stood out to me was an episode of The Ezra Klein Show called What Kind of Relationships Would You Want, if You Believed They Were Possible? In it, Klein interviews Rhaina Cohen about her book “The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center.” They discuss what elements create a close friendship, and how people have managed to have these kinds of platonic life partnerships even when the world shamed them for it. They talk about the ways that language limits our understanding of relationships, and dominant culture narrows our vision of what kinds of relationships are possible. I think the piece about imagination is what really gets me.
What if you thought it was possible to meet someone in the therapy waiting room who could be an important person in your life? What might you do differently? Just something to muse on while you’re waiting…
Start Building Expansive Relationships By Engaging in a Community
We also know that this is all very difficult! Doing something antithetical to the dominant cultural norm takes work and time. So, as a practice we’re also trying to find more opportunities to invite you to be in community with us and with each other to make all this a bit easier. Maybe the waiting room is a bit too intense for you right now! If you’re wanting another kind of setting, consider joining us for our upcoming community events instead.
Our next community event will be Civic Sundays at Kindman & Co. We’ll provide food and space to gather (Okay, still involving the waiting room, but different!), and Civic Sundays will lead election actions. All you have to do is sign up, show up, and do something!
We’d love to see you see each other there!
Anna Kim is an Associate Clinical Social Worker, a writer, and an adventurer. Anna works with individuals, intimate relationships, families, and groups to support growth and change. She is especially interested in grief & loss, identity & authenticity, and attachment, but appreciates all the infinite, complicated parts of being alive.
GET HELP NOW
If you are interested in therapy with Kindman & Co. and would like to learn more about the services we have to help you, follow these quick & easy steps:
Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with our Care Coordinator.
Get matched with the therapist who’s right for you.
Start feeling more supported and fulfilled in your life and relationships!
THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.
We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and support for creatives. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.