On What to Expect When Starting Couple Therapy at Kindman & Co.
Couple therapy can be a wonderful resource to many a partnership looking to improve their relationship. As a PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) trained clinician, I have sat with a wide array of folks in relationships who are looking to work on increasing intimacy, learning how to have conflict in more productive ways, managing family and children, healing from betrayal, and much, much, more.
What I have noticed in my years of practice, is that far too many couples wait too long before sitting down with a professional to care for their relationship. Many of us assume that we should be able to figure it out on our own (this is, of course, part of our pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps culture). Yet the quality of our relationships is one of the most important predictors of a happy life. So the goal of this blog post is to dispel your fears about starting to prioritize your relationships by telling you exactly what you can expect when you sit down with one of the PACT therapists at Kindman & Co.
Face to Face, Eye to Eye
As a couple or relationship starting PACT, the first thing you can expect is to sit across from one another. By sitting face to face and eye to eye, couples can begin to learn how to notice subtle shifts in facial expression, body language, tone and prosody of one another’s voices. By attuning to one another in this way, couples can start to have more intimate and collaborative conversations while learning how they impact one another moment-to-moment. This also helps couples to recapture moments of joyful connection, be more playful, and become more responsive to one another in ways that really work!
Move Your Body
A PACT couple therapist will invite couples to shift their bodies and notice what happens for one another. Many of us assume that communication consists of the words we say – but in fact, our body language, movement, gestures use of touch and space have a tremendous impact on what truly lands for our partner(s). Nonverbal cues such as body language, distance, tone and facial expression are essential to communicating clearly and understanding one another. You’ll be surprised at the difference in the quality of your communication after experimenting with proximity and touch. By learning to use this invaluable element of communication, your relationship can begin to thrive.
Learn About Your Nervous System
As human beings, we all have nervous systems. Since we’re stuck with them, we might as well learn about how they work! Your PACT couple therapist will help you understand your threat responses (flight, flight, freeze, fawn), and the ways you manage arousal (what makes you feel present and alert, and what helps increase a sense of safety). By increasing our understanding of what makes us and our partner(s) feel threat and what makes us feel safe, couples can gain clarity and eventually, mastery of their neurobiology.
Attachment, Our Blueprint for Connection
Attachment is our biological need to bind with others. For most of us, this blueprint is informed by our early relationships with our caregivers and environment. This early learning plays a large role in how we show up in our adult intimate relationships. Your PACT therapist at Kindman & Co. will help you and your partner(s) better understand your attachment style as well as your partner’s. This will help you care for one another in ways that truly work, and allow you to use your relationship as a vehicle for healing old relational wounds.
Want to learn more about your attachment and how attachment styles shape our human experience? Check out a few of our other blogs about attachment!
On Attachment Styles & Building Earned Secure Attachment
On Essential Skills to Improve the Quality of Your Relationships
On Secure Attachment: A Way to Increase Trust & Security in Your Relationships
Become an Expert on Your Partner(s)
Using all of the aforementioned tools will help you and your partner(s) become experts on one another, to become each other’s “whisperers.” Along with your therapist at Kindman & Co., you will embark on a journey of discovery and connection. You will learn what makes your partner(s) tick. Understanding how to care for one another brings us closer together, helps us feel more safe and secure in our relationship, and allows us to come together to create shared meaning and purpose for our relationships.
I hope this has been a useful primer on what to expect when starting relationship and couple therapy at Kindman & Co. We’re here to remind you that relationships are NOT easy, but they are some of the most meaningful and rewarding experiences that we get to have as human beings. We look forward to welcoming you and your relationship to our office!
Paul Kindman, LMFT is an immigrant, refugee and acculturated American. He loves working with couples, partners and multicultural relationships who are navigating unique challenges of honoring many belief systems and traditions within relationships and families.
GET HELP NOW
If you are interested in therapy with Kindman & Co. and would like to learn more about the services we have to help you, follow these quick & easy steps:
Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with our Care Coordinator.
Get matched with the therapist who’s right for you.
Start feeling more supported and fulfilled in your life and relationships!
THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.
We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and support for creatives. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.