On Online Therapy: It’s Benefits, Challenges, & How It’s Connecting Us to Our Shared Humanity
By Kaitlin Kindman, LCSW
For those of you in online therapy right now or conducting online therapy right now, how has it been for you?
I’m not proud of it, but I used to minimize the efficacy of online therapy. As a relational therapist who focuses on sensations and feelings in the present moment, I had a hard time imagining that I’d have enough information from the collarbones up. I struggled to believe I’d feel as powerfully connected when not sharing the same physical space with my client(s).
“therapists now have so much more opportunity to meet clients where they’re at, and where they’re at is: home.”
Yes, I am absolutely missing seeing a tapping finger or shaking foot and the opportunity it presents to be curious as to what the body is telling those of us in the therapy “room.” Yes, I am very limited right now in what I can see and reflect about the bodies of my clients. And I’m exhausted-Zoom fatigue is real, folx!
But I’m also deeply appreciating a new intimacy and window into the world of my clients that I haven’t regularly had access to before. As Lori Gottlieb highlights in her Washington Post article, The Surprising Intimacy of Online Therapy Sessions During the Pandemic, therapists now have so much more opportunity to meet clients where they’re at, and where they’re at is: home.
When we were deciding to no longer see clients in our Kindman & Co. office, we sat down to write a letter to our clients about moving online and the changing shape of what therapy with us would look like during this uncertain time. (You can find that letter here.) We felt anxious about everyone’s health and safety, we feared feeling very disconnected from our clients and not knowing how best to care for you-our clients, as well as how best to care for ourselves. As we thought through this letter, the one thing that brought a smile to our faces was thinking about getting to meet your pets we’ve heard so much about, catch a glimpse of your partners, see where you eat dinner, or your favorite reading nook-relishing the opportunity to get to know you in your element.
I’ve been thrilled to find out how true this has been. My image of each of my clients has become a much fuller picture over the last few months. For every limitation we’ve encountered together, there’s been a new discovery. The more we’ve acclimated to a new normal in quarantine, the more that opportunities for deeper work inspired by moments at home have shown themselves. A question about a photo of a friend or family member that I see out of the corner of my screen, reveals an integral character in a client’s life that they had never thought to share about before. Working with couples in the actual spaces at home where they get into conflicts has presented openings for helping them to have new experiences and interrupt the cycle they normally find themselves in. “Troubles in the bedroom? Sure, show me where and how that happens (clothes stay on, of course!) and we’ll do something different together!” I now have the prospect to give couples the experience of things going well in THE space where that isn’t normally the case.
“The pandemic has presented us-both clients and therapists-with a beautiful moment in time to be real, messy, and human—together.”
I’m appreciating having access to new information and getting to know my clients in their element, on their terms. As much as I am missing our cozy office greatly, a challenge of having clients come to us, is that our office doesn’t represent a space they navigate frequently- it exists in their life for only fifty-minutes once a week! The majority of their lives occur outside of our office-in physical spaces imbued with significant sentimental meaning-like their homes, workspaces, friends’ and family’s homes, favorite restaurants, and more.
We are all feeling incredibly challenged by the confinement of the #stayathome orders right now and the tragic heaviness of this moment in time. And yet, I’m connecting with tremendous gratitude for the privilege of playing a more active role in my clients’ lives. And similarly, I’m enjoying inviting them into my world and my own humanness. As a therapist, it is an incredibly rare experience to be navigating so many of the same concerns as my clients, at the exact same moment that they are. This is part of what is making our work incredibly challenging and taxing right now, but also deeply rewarding and meaningful. The pandemic has presented us-both clients and therapists-with a beautiful moment in time to be real, messy, and human—together.
I have never been a “blank slate” therapist, where my clients don’t know much about who I am or what I value. And now, it’s impossible for them not to know that my slate currently has four cats, one dog, a husband, an often, untidy office, no makeup, my own pandemic anxiety and restlessness, and screen fatigue. And I’m here for it.
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What are your thoughts? For those of you considering online therapy, does this shared humanity make it more or less appealing?
Kaitlin Kindman, LCSW is a co-founder of Kindman & Co and deeply committed to providing socially just and anti-oppressive therapy. She really loves working with couples to improve their relationships and deepen intimacy, with other therapists and healers, as well as entrepreneurs and other business owners. Kaitlin finds true enjoyment in cuddling with animals, a just-right temperature cup of tea, feeling the sun on her face, and dancing in supermarket aisles.
Kaitlin can be reached directly at kaitlin@kindman.co