On Belonging & Celebrating Cultural Diversity
By Gaby Ramos, AMFT
Our cultures shape and shift us. They are a part of our background, history, and a source of our pride and inspiration in our everyday lives. There is a deep sense of belonging that is fulfilled when others see us for who we are and where we come from, in essence, understanding our cultures. Culture can also be a source of oppression, injustice, and discrimination, which can manifest as trauma, deprivation, and distress. In therapy, we can gain a greater awareness of how culture imprints on our lives: the values we hold, our self concept, our sense of motivation, our resources, and our relationships.
Culture matters deeply to me, both in my personal life as well as in my profession as a therapist. An integral part of my therapeutic approach is to show up from a position of respectful curiosity— aiming to ask and explore questions differently. By not making general comparisons and distinctions, I am continually mindful of considering my client’s cultural impressions, past histories, and the impact of their environments.
“It wasn’t until I sought out diversity and a culture of acceptance, that I was able to find myself. For so long I had been trying to fit in, and all I really wanted was to be seen for who I truly am.”
When we find connections through shared cultures we often feel a deeply rooted sense of belonging that helps us to feel fully seen, heard, and understood. When we are unseen for our culture or we don’t conform to the dominant culture, we likely feel different, isolated, or ultimately, like we don’t belong; belonging is an essential human need for being well.
As a child immigrant from Cuba, I recall one of my earliest experiences of feeling different and unlike everyone around me. I was in elementary school and everything from the language I spoke, to the way I dressed, differed from the majority of my peers. During my adolescence I became more aware of my differences as a minority, and I now know that time of my life was a process of assimilating to a new culture and environment-- and the feeling of being viewed as the “other” felt isolating and alienating.
The reality was that I was so encapsulated by the American culture that I had left behind fragments of my own. I was missing an integration, a welcoming, an open-door policy to my own Latinx culture because there were so few of mi gente in such a small town. I yearned to know more about myself through the lens of my culture, and yet this proved to be difficult for me until I reached early adulthood. It wasn’t until I sought out diversity and a culture of acceptance, that I was able to find myself. For so long I had been trying to fit in, and all I really wanted was to be seen for who I truly am.
“these actions essentially inspired and fulfilled a reconnection to my roots. i have found ways deep within to connect with that feeling of home and have learned to check-in with these feelings often.”
I felt a sense of belonging as I began to integrate my Cuban culture into my everyday life. Setting some time to call my mom to ask her for her favorite family recipes, and having her walk me through each step of the process, or taking dance classes under teachers who incorporated Afro-Cuban music and its movement. These actions essentially inspired and fulfilled a reconnection to my roots. I have found ways deep within to connect with that feeling of home and have learned to check-in with these feelings often.
In therapy, we explore together many differing and intersecting aspects of cultural identity and help our clients to integrate parts of themselves that can feel in competition or minimized by dominant culture. Think about the traditions, music, food, dances, rituals, etc. that make you feel most at home. Have you ever felt ashamed of them or minimized them? Are you doing so now? Now spend a few minutes remembering a time you have joyfully connected with your culture. Was it relishing in a delicious food or dancing to a favorite song? Visualize this moment and take it in with all of your senses. What did it sound like? Taste like? Smell like? Feel like? Can you connect with the joy around this? Reminding yourself that this brings you joy, try to work this one piece of home more intentionally into your life.
My hope is to help others to connect to this feeling of acceptance and celebration of culture in both group and individual therapy. That feeling of identity and cultural belonging is incomparable— once you reach it, it paves the way for all ongoing relationships in your life. The meaningful kinds of relationships that are built through honesty, curiosity, and sincere appreciation for each other’s experiences.
Gaby Ramos is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, a movement educator, and a researcher at heart. Gaby works with individuals, couples, families, and groups to support and explore a genuine experience of self. She is especially interested in the high sensitivity trait, mind and body, shame, and the impact of immigration and acculturation.
Gaby can also be contacted directly at gaby@kindman.co