In my work as a therapist, I’ve been told by a few clients that they are confused why I would need to go to therapy as an experienced therapist, and even, that it worried them to learn I went to therapy because this must mean i don’t have my shit figured out. Yikes!

Let me first say very clearly, therapy is not only for people feeling lost, in crisis, navigating strained relationships, managing mental health symptoms, or uncertain of who they are. For me, being a therapist means consistently attending some form of therapy regularly, more as a practice than as a need. 

Let me also say that what initially brought me to therapy when I first started in my early twenties, was like many first-time therapy clients, feeling overwhelmed by relationship distress, and not knowing myself clearly or what I wanted from my life. After going to therapy for many, many years, this is not what brings me to therapy now. Kind of like going to yoga or the gym, engaging in intentional relaxation, or even brushing my teeth, my relationship to therapy at this point in my life is one of maintenance and a dedication to my ongoing learning and personal growth. 

Therapy for therapists is an essential support for continued evolution and as an act of self-care. As you likely know, being a therapist is really challenging and emotionally taxing work! Attending therapy as a therapist can be an outlet for discharging some of what we take on throughout our week and recognizing when something touches on our own personal wounds or history. Read on for more information on why therapy for therapists is an important practice for mental health workers to engage in and a few, different reasons why it’s so necessary.

Therapy helps you explore your personal stuff & understand what’s yours or your clients

Conducting therapy often results in having a lot of emotions come up while sitting with your clients. We feel great empathy, which leads to feeling loss, anxiety, sadness, existential dread, dysregulation, and joy (amongst other emotions). One of our tasks as therapists is to determine if the emotion coming up when sitting with a client is coming from holding empathy for them or from something historical or personal that is getting provoked. This is essential to being an effective therapist as it helps you to meaningfully differentiate from clients and recognize when you need more support for moments your history may be impeding your work with a client. Therapy for therapists can help you figure out, “what’s mine or my client’s?” and what you’re needing to manage these moments with more clarity and grounding.

Therapy is a space for continued learning & self-development

We change as we age and as we have more experiences. Even if you’ve attended many years of therapy already, engaging in therapy as a practicing therapist provides you a space especially for your own personal learning and continued growth. As you work with a wider variety of clients, you may encounter unfinished business you hadn’t processed before or new challenges you never anticipated. You are likely not the same person you were when you first started therapy and that’s a good thing! Perhaps the person you are today needs a very different kind of support than you did previously or you’re wanting to learn about yourself from a different perspective or therapeutic approach. I know that for myself, talk therapy served me for many years to understand my attachment style, overcome relationship challenges, build more confidence and have clarity around my purpose and direction. That being said, starting somatic therapy much later, helped me access past traumatic experiences in a different way and connect more with my body and the wisdom of my intuition.

Couple therapy for therapists: a support for preventing relationship strain

Sure, maybe you’ve done individual therapy for years, but have you tried couple/relationship therapy before? I’ve found that engaging in couple therapy as a therapist has taught me so much about myself and my primary relationships. It has also helped me understand that bringing my therapeutic work with clients home can take quite a toll–not just on me, but also on my partner. Couple therapy can help you identify some of the challenges of being a therapist and the impact on your relationships, as well as develop tools to establish boundaries around your work and get the support you need from your partner to help you be a better therapist and feel more connected in your relationship.

Therapy is an act of self-care & compassion for yourself

Choosing regular therapy is an act of self care and love for yourself. As our lives become more busy and purposeful, we so rarely have spaces that are just ours. We all need some me time, right? Preventative self-care is also vital to combating burnout, which is a significant risk of our work.

I’ve found that working for years as a therapist has made this is even more true for me and that I need more of it! It’s important to cultivate practices and spaces that put you first and make this a regular part of your life. I like to think of it as important resistance to the hyperproductive, grind culture we’re all swimming in. Take the time to remind yourself: “I need time for myself–to slow down, to check in with how i’m really doing, where I don’t have to be responsible for anyone else.” Plus, it’s good modeling for our clients to make our own self-care a priority, right?

Life always happens–therapy helps you navigate the big ups & downs

For as long as we’re alive, life has a way of happening and presenting us with new opportunities and challenges, often unforeseen. We encounter grief and loss, significant life transitions, needing to make big decisions, and celebrating exciting and joyful moments. 

Sure, you can reach out for therapy at any time if you find yourself navigating a crisis or season of transition. And, it is always a tender and vulnerable experience to start therapy with a new therapist and can bring significant uncertainty around not knowing if the new therapeutic relationship will be a good fit. I’ve found that already having an established therapeutic relationship that is safe and supportive is a great asset in these moments. When you’re managing a big up or a big down, it can feel especially helpful to trust in your established relationships and know that you have a therapist who already deeply understands you and is acquainted with your history, triumphs, and growing edges. 

Therapy for therapists helps you understand what it’s like to be a therapy client

As I mentioned in the previous section, starting therapy often brings a lot of uncertainty. It can be very exciting and hopeful, alongside feeling overwhelming, daunting, and scary! I’m always a little perplexed when I hear from someone who has gone to school to be a therapist that they have never actually engaged in therapy themself. After all, as therapists we know firsthand that therapy isn’t only for when you’re in crisis and certainly isn’t only for folks who are navigating mental health diagnoses! Of course, therapy is a significant investment of time, energy, and money and there are true systemic problems that impact many people’s ability to access therapy. That being said, there are also many low-fee and free therapy services available. 

If you have chosen to become a therapist, it is important to at least try therapy once (whenever possible) for all of the reasons I’ve outlined above. Ultimately, our work deeply impacts us and is pretty much guaranteed to stir up our personal stuff. If we’re not processing our own experiences, we are more likely to encounter our own blocks or provocative emotions that impact our ability to show up with our clients. Additionally, having the lived-experience of being a therapy client promotes shared understanding between you and your clients and helps you access empathy for the fears they have in starting therapy as well as the “resistance” or blocks you may encounter throughout your work together. It also highlights for you the importance of celebrating accomplishments, playing together, and understanding how goodness of fit in the therapeutic relationship is such an important determining factor in effective therapy.  Being a therapy client really makes you a better therapist. 

Now that I’ve outlined some of the reasons why it’s helpful to go to therapy as a therapist, I’d like to talk just a little about how it’s also helpful to work with a therapist who specializes in therapy for therapists. 

When I was looking for a new individual therapist five years ago, I had a surprisingly difficult time. Perhaps I had higher expectations since I had learned a lot about the field, the qualities I’d want in my own therapist, the theoretical orientation I’d like to work in, etc. One of the key challenges I found though, was that many of the therapists I had consultations with appeared to be intimidated by knowing that I am a therapist myself. I had experiences where I felt like I was leading the consultation calls rather than the therapist leading them. I found myself asking most of the questions and offering information I knew they’d want to know without any questions from them, which left me feeling uncontained and brought up some of my internal narratives around being too much, like no one could handle me. (I’m noticing feeling a bit sad for that me of five years ago as I write this!) 

Even experienced therapists who were much older than myself in both age and longevity of their careers, seemed to not know what to do with me. I also noticed that many therapists I spoke with were happy to mostly let me therapize myself and somewhat expected that I had it “all figured out.” Yes, I had been in therapy for many years previously and had a fair amount of knowledge of my patterns, triggers, and relationship dynamics, but I knew I wanted someone who’d interrupt me and would invite me to slow down and connect more intentionally with my body. Yet most of the therapists I met with said and did very little. Have you had any similar experiences in looking for a therapist for yourself?

Finding a therapist who explicitly provides therapy for therapists and is familiar with having therapists as clients can help to prevent some of the above challenging experiences. It is common for therapists who may be working with another therapist as a client for the first time, to feel intimidated, insecure, and struggle to connect with their own identity as a therapist–I know, I felt this early into working with other therapists myself! Coming to specialize in working with therapists as clients over the years though, I’ve been reminded that therapists are just people too and we want to feel like just another client in our own therapy. 

If you’re a therapist looking for a new therapist, consider keeping these things in mind:

• Identify someone who possesses this experience and is passionate about helping other therapists. They should understand that therapy may sometimes feel more like supervision or case consultation (because this is work is a huge part of your life!) While at other times, you may be struggling with what seems like the therapy basics–identifying and naming your feelings, connecting with your embodiment, managing relationship conflicts, understanding your early childhood experiences and how they’ve shaped you, etc. 

• You should not feel judged by your therapist or feel like they have higher expectations of you to know yourself more fully or with more ease. When we’re dysregulated, we all resort back to our survival instincts and often that means regressing to younger, less mature parts of ourselves! If you get the sense that your therapist doesn’t tolerate these moments well, because “you’re a therapist,” you may want to consider if this is the best fit for you.

• You want to feel contained as a client. And of course, that you’re doing most of the work, but not all of it. Your therapist’s job is to help you build a secure and trusting relationship with them and asking provocative questions and offering confronting and constructive feedback should be part of this.

• Being human is messy, joyful, heartbreaking, and complex. Your therapist should convey interest in all parts of you and meet you with acceptance as you contact any of your parts, no matter how messy they are!

• In this role, you are the client, NOT the therapist. There should be space to take off your therapist hat when you’re in your own therapy and I hope that you’ll be invited to put down your inner empath and caretaker in moments when it may not be serving you. It’s okay to let yourself be furious or deeply hurt and not always have to connect with curiosity for the person or situation you’re feeling this way towards.

• Your therapist should be managing their own feelings about working with therapist clients outside of your therapy. As I mentioned, it’s very normal to have complex feelings and insecurity coming up personally when working with therapists as clients, but it’s not appropriate to overshare or process this with your clients. If you are a therapy client as a therapist and you notice that your therapist is regularly taking up too much space in your sessions sharing about their own clients/practice or you have the sense that they’re holding back because you’re a therapist, I’d encourage you to discuss this with them. If that doesn’t help, it’s probably time to seek therapy elsewhere.

• It’s perfectly reasonable to look for a therapist who shares an orientation with you and/or for someone who practices a completely different form of therapy! I’m guessing that you have the theoretical orientation you do because it resonates with you and your values and you believe it’s effective, right? So it makes sense you’d seek out someone who has a shared understanding of how you work! 

  On the contrary, you may be curious about other forms of therapy and be seeking something very different from what you already know to broaden your perspective and gain novel experiences to learn from. Either way, you’ve likely had a fair amount of exposure to different approaches and interventions and if you have a strong sense of what will help you, I’d encourage you to really try to find someone who offers what you’re explicitly looking for.

I hope you’ve found this article helpful in understanding why it’s important to seek therapy for therapists and what to look for and expect from your therapist when you’re the client. If you’re looking for a therapist and having difficulty finding someone who is a good fit for your needs or isn’t sure how to conduct therapy with you, our team can help! You can learn more about our therapy for therapists services. We have a number of clinicians who work with therapists as clients and we always lead with the perspective that humaning is hard, whether you’re a therapist or not!

Kaitlin Kindman, is a co-founder of Kindman & Co., is disabled, an activist, and a feminist. Her purpose is to help her clients come to believe that they are not alone, they belong, AND they inspire—they have the power to bring about change. She works with her clients to feel more connected, so that they take actions that improve their relationships and the world.

Kaitlin is deeply committed to providing socially just and anti-oppressive therapy. She really loves working with couples to improve their relationships and deepen intimacy, with other therapists and healers, as well as entrepreneurs and other business owners. Kaitlin finds true enjoyment in cuddling with animals, a just-right temperature cup of tea, feeling the sun on her face, and dancing in supermarket aisles.

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If you are interested in therapy with Kindman & Co. and would like to learn more about the services we have to help you, follow these quick & easy steps:

1. Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with our Care Coordinator.

2. Get matched with the therapist who’s right for you.

Start feeling more supported and fulfilled in your life and relationships!

THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.

We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and support for creatives. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.