On Showing Up…

By Kaitlin Kindman, LCSW

I’d like to coin the new term SHOWINGUPNESS for regular use. In a sentence: “I called Paul right after I got broken up with. Unprompted, he said ‘I’ll be over in 30 minutes AND I’m bringing pizza.’ Paul is a great friend; he has a ton of showingupness.”

SHOWINGUPNESS describes the degree to which reliability, empathy, care, intentionality, thoughtfulness, and embodiment of “just being there” that is consistently demonstrated by someone. It speaks to one’s willingness to put our loved ones (and/or ourselves) first, but people with great levels of SHOWINGUPNESS do so willingly and gladly. It requires vulnerability—to show others and ourselves that someone or something really matters to us. It also requires sacrifice—it might mean having to delay, lose, or let go of another activity, person, or thing that we care about, when doing so helps us to better prioritize showing up in a truly meaningful way.

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SHOWINGUPNESS does NOT mean boundarylessness, ALWAYS putting others first, nor doing so resentfully or out of obligation. It does NOT mean showing up when it puts you at risk, out of fear of losing a relationship, if it keeps you in toxic relational dynamics, or because you believe this is the only value you have to offer.

Instead, SHOWINGUPNESS is generous, kind, and loving. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy when you do it, and equally so when you receive it. Note: This term should be used to describe those who also lovingly and intentionally prioritize their own needs and engage in actions of showing up for themselves...sometimes this is the hardest to do! Get out there and be Showingupness Allstars! Help me spread the word. Literally. ❤️kk