On How to be an Ally When the World Has Been a S&*t Show
Let’s be real. Everything fucking sucks right now. My brain is jello, and not having the answers for anything is getting really fucking old! The world is going through it. This blog post is targeted specifically toward people in a position of privilege in our current political climate. For my marginalized folx, especially queer folx, see Dani’s blog on finding safe spaces as queer folx.
a note on intersectional privilege
When we talk about privilege, it’s important to understand intersectionality. Intersectionality simply reminds us that everyone has their own unique experience of discrimination and oppression based on several factors of their identity. For example, as a queer cisgender Latina, I have a different experience than a Black trans woman. Both of us experience levels of oppression, but I am in a position of privilege in regard to my cisgender identity. Part of my individual work is to identify the ways that I am benefitting from privilege.
assessing your privilege
If you haven’t done this work already, take a moment to consider which ways you do have privilege. Below are some common forms of privilege that exist in our society. Where do you fall in each of the categories below?
Skin color - Am I light-skinned?
Race - Am I white?
Gender - Am I Cisgender? Am I a cisgender man?
Sexuality - Am I heterosexual?
Socioeconomic status - Am I upper or middle class?
Formal education - Do I have a college degree?
Documentation Status - Am I a citizen?
Body Size - Does my body match typical beauty standards?
Neurodiversity- Am I Neurotypical? Do I have any learning disabilities?
Language - Was English my first language?
Ability - Am I able-bodied? Do I have any physical disabilities?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you hold some form of privilege. Think of privilege in society as a spectrum. For example, when we discuss gender, a cisgender man holds more power than a cisgender woman, and while still oppressed, a cisgender woman holds more power than someone who is genderqueer. Remember, you can hold privilege in some areas and be oppressed in others!*
what does it mean to be an ally?
Now that we’ve identified the ways you hold privilege, you can take the steps to become an ally. An ally is an important role that knows how to step up when help is needed and amplify marginalized voices rather than their own. An ally is also someone who is consistently eager to learn and okay with being corrected. For the record: at some point, you’re going to mess up. You’re human! Be open and willing to accept feedback and to learn from your mistakes.
tips for becoming an ally
When the world is as fucked as it is right now, it can feel overwhelming to know where to even begin with helping. (Imagine how marginalized folx feel if you are exhausted?!)
If you aren’t sure where to start, pick one thing you’d like to educate yourself more on. You don’t have to be an expert to help. Start with obtaining basic knowledge and be accessible to those who might need your support. Being an ally might look like offering a listening ear or donating to a supportive cause. Find ways that are possible for you.
When you do inevitably commit a microaggression or miss something important due to your privilege, do so without begging for forgiveness. A simple, meaningful apology will usually suffice—when you profusely apologize, the dynamic can become about centering your experience and making YOU feel better, rather than caring for the other person.
If you would like ideas on how to be an ally through donations, visit our instagram page for organizations supporting Ukraine and our trans youth in Texas.
Gaby Teresa is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, Latina/mixed raced, social justice-oriented, and exceptionally curious. She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. She is passionate about supporting undocumented immigrants, Latinx, & BIPOC folks to explore and unpack the harms of systemic oppression & white supremacy and move towards individual and collective healing from racial trauma.
From a Health at Every Size perspective, Gaby challenges fat phobic narratives and helps people adopt amore loving relationships with their bodies by promoting body diversity and dismantling the “thin ideal.”Overall, Gaby is proud to be another messy human walking alongside you, helping you to build tools and relationships that better support you and ensure that you get your relational needs met.
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