On Putting Yourself Out There
If you take yourself back to a time when you put yourself out there, can you remember what it felt like? I imagine that somewhere in that slurry of feelings might at least be discomfort, maybe even worry, anxiety, or fear. I imagine that somewhere else in that soup of emotions is something like hope, or love, or rage, or whatever it was that allowed you to step into the nakedness of vulnerability, whatever the source of that courage was.
Putting yourself out there can look a million different ways, all of which take courage and vulnerability. Sometimes we put ourselves out there by revealing something personal, trying something new (like therapy!), or speaking up for something we believe in. Sometimes we literally put ourselves out into the not-so-figurative “there” and step into physical spaces that are new to us.
And other times, we put ourselves out there in ways we might not recognize, like just being our authentic, beautiful, imperfect selves in our small corners of the world. Do we sometimes suffer from a vulnerability hangover? Maybe (read: yes). Might we be perceived? Almost certainly. Do we risk rejection, tripping over our words, or struggling with something new? Inevitably, we do. Sometimes we go for it regardless, and what a wonderful thing it is when we do.
important reasons to “put yourself out there” & be vulnerable
So, other than this blog post claiming that putting ourselves out there is beautiful and worthwhile, what reasons do we really have to do it? After all, it’s risky. And, in our post-covid world, it may not come as naturally as before. We did quite literally condition ourselves to do the opposite - to “keep ourselves in here.” Here are some important reasons to consider taking the risk and allowing yourself to be vulnerable:
When we choose to put ourselves out there, we open ourselves up to new opportunities and experiences.
When we share something vulnerable, we have the chance to form connections and deepen our relationships.
When we speak up for something we believe in, we align our values with our actions.
As we become more ourselves (whatever that looks like), we both liberate our spirit from the cage of social constructs and make the canvas of the world more vivid with our unique brushstrokes.
And, hopefully, we get the confidence to do it all again.
It’s also important to recognize that having the freedom and safety to be able to put yourself out there is a privilege. As a transmasculine non-binary person, I am often made aware that by stepping out with my shaved head, wearing clothes designed for someone with that elusive Y chromosome, and pleading to be called “they,” I am putting myself out there. Am I proud to be who I am? Absolutely. Is it uncomfortable at times to be myself in the world? Also, yes.
how to start helping others feel comfortable putting themselves “out there”
To be clear, this discomfort is a privilege—living in a time and place where I am able to experience the raw vulnerability of being myself is the privilege. Not everybody can safely be themselves, or speak up. Something everyone can do is intentionally foster a world where more people feel safe to put themselves out there - we can make space, listen, remain open to ideas different from our own, stand up for others, challenge our reluctance to accept people we don’t understand. In these ways, we can extend the privilege of making a mark, and our collective masterpiece becomes more inclusive, more beautiful, and more powerful.
Logan Kim is a pansexual, non-binary Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and Associate Professional Clinical Counselor. They really enjoy supporting individuals, couples, and families to heal attachment injuries and intergenerational trauma, foster healthier relationships, and reconnect with their bodies, feelings, and authentic selves. Logan is especially passionate about disrupting the cisheteropatriarchy and working with queer and trans folks, exploring issues around identity, relationships, sexuality, and gender. In addition to being excited about therapy, they also find joy existing in nature, watching reality TV, and engaging in creative hobbies, like sewing and watercolor.
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