On the Pervasiveness of "Purity Culture" & Beginning to Heal
“Purity culture” is a term that encapsulates both a movement and a period of time in which the evangelical Christian, specifically the White Western American Christians, doctrine focused immense energy onto promoting the biblical view of purity (through one interpretation) and virginity before marriage. This blog will explore some more of the history of this culture, how it has been pervasive in its impact, and some ways to begin healing the relationship between yourself and your body.
what is purity culture?
The culture included multiple books and programs, purity pledges, purity rings to be worn before engagement rings, and even purity balls (or, Father-Daughter Purity Dances). The purpose of the purity culture movement was that sex before marriage was a sin, and it is the youth’s responsibility to take on this agreement in very tangible ways.
This movement began in the 1990’s, with many pointing to Richard Ross, who in 1992 presented the theme “True Love Waits” at LifeWay Christian Resources as a potential Christian sex education campaign. The following year, Southern Baptist congregations adopted this program and had a goal of 100,00 purity pledges to be signed. Then, in 1994 there was a True Love Waits rally in Washington, D.C. with 25,000 youth, and 210,000 purity pledge cards were displayed on the National Mall. It was like wildfire from then on.
the negative impact of purity culture
To say that purity culture was and has been destructive would be an understatement. Purity culture impacted and instilled concreteness around gender roles, reinforcing the strength and masculinity of men, and the smallness and submissiveness of women. Women hold immense responsibility in the ways in which they dress, act, and behave due to the beliefs that if men are to “lust” (i.e., think impure thoughts), it is due to women’s dress and/or actions.
The assumptions that are in the foundation of purity culture are clear as well—the gender binary is important and heterosexuality is the only “normal” form of partnership and desire. This leaves out so many beautiful people!! These hard and fast rules around gender, sexuality, and pleasure create more questioning, doubt, and isolation. Any time there is rigidity with a fear-based reinforcement, there will be the aftermath of anxiety, shame, and sadness.
if you’re reading through this and feel connected with this conversation in any way, first know that you are not alone.
Your experience has been mirrored and paralleled by many, and I know it’s taken you a while to get where you are today. I recently posted an open question on my therapy Instagram account asking folx, “What was your purity compared to when you were growing up?” The answers I got were horrifying. Some examples were people’s purity and bodies being compared to “a wrapped gift”, “a stick of gum that gets chewed up and loses its shiny wrapper”, “a rental car that gets more fees with each dig”, “the rose/flower that got passed around and each person took a peta,l” and more.
The underlying message? If people were to give up their “purity” (put in quotes due to purity/virginity being a social construct) before marriage, then they are dirty, used, broken, damaged, unfixable, immoral, and more. What a difficult message to receive when your mind is already developing and your hormones are raging! It’s so confusing and definitely not informative in the way that sex education should be.
Purity culture is so pervasive and its impact may show up for you in one or many of the following ways:
Feeling shame about your body and about having sex
Fear of what sex before marriage might do to you
Discomfort in receiving pleasure
Difficulty naming needs and wants during sex
Separation and distance from yourself and body (sometimes called dissociation)
Uncertainty around how to bring this up to other people in your life
Difficulty trusting yourself and others
Anxiety around a lack of agency that you have in your life
how to feel safe in your body
All of these potential side effects and feelings that are directly connected to experiencing purity culture are heavy! It may feel like too much to carry at times. Again, I remind you that you are not alone in your experience. If you’re looking for support in the group setting, there’s a link at the bottom of this page for more information on the Healing Religious Trauma group we have at Kindman & Co.
And for now, I want to assist you in some ways to begin, or continue, practicing the ability to feel safe in your body. So much of what purity culture teaches is that the “flesh” and the “body” are bad—they are sinful, they cause lust, they cause impure thoughts, etc.
So, the journey towards healing begins with repairing the relationship you have with your body.
Being able to connect with yourself is a slow process, because not only has purity culture enforced shame/fear-based messaging, but capitalism also benefits from folx not being present in their bodies (hellloooo burnout).
10-step body scan to connect with your body
So, let’s start here. Below is a 10ish-step guide from UCLA's Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC) for performing a body scan to assist with connection to your body and to help you feel more grounded where you are, with less tension. It is more helpful to listen to these prompts, rather than read them, you can find audio here.
Begin by bringing your attention to your environment, slowly looking around and noticing that you are safe at this moment.
Bring your attention into your body.
You can close your eyes if that’s comfortable for you or maintain a soft gaze, with your eyes partially closed but not focusing on anything in particular.
You can notice your body seated wherever you’re seated, feeling the support of the chair or the floor beneath you.
Take a few deep, long breaths, within the range of what is comfortable for you.
And as you take a deep breath, bring in more oxygen, enlivening the body. And as you exhale, you might experience a sense of relaxing more deeply.
You can notice your feet on the floor, notice the sensations of your feet touching the floor. The weight and pressure, vibration, heat.
You can notice your legs against the chair, pressure, pulsing, heaviness, lightness.
Notice your back against the chair, supporting you. If you are not able to notice sensations in all areas of the body, that is OK. We are more connected to certain areas of the body than others, at different times of the day.
Bring your attention into your stomach area. If your stomach is tense or tight, can you allow it to soften? Take a breath.
Notice your hands. Are your hands tense or tight? See if you can allow them to soften.
Notice your arms. Feel any sensation in your arms. Do your best to allow your shoulders to be soft.
Notice your neck and throat. Try to allow them to be soft. See if you can invite a sense of relaxation in.
Try to soften your jaw. Do your best to allow your face and facial muscles to be soft.
Then notice your whole body present. Take one more breath.
Be aware of your whole body as best you can. Take a breath. Slowly open up the eyes, without focusing on anything in particular. Allow the head and neck to gently rotate, taking in the space you are in. When you feel ready, you can return to your normal gaze.
After this 3-minute practice, I hope you feel a little more at ease in your body. I offer this as a closing affirmation for you in your healing journey and invite you to speak this over your body:
“My body is a vessel of curiosity, pleasure, and goodness. I am allowed to explore and play.”
Because what’s more radical than being able to play?
healing religious trauma group
As a person who has been hurt by religious and spiritual institutions, churches, and/or people of faith, you have likely faced a unique, isolating pain. You have probably been navigating feelings of shame, loneliness, and fear of being judged.
If you’re a person looking to process religious trauma and heal, this group will be that safe place. Together, group members will build community, explore shared experiences, and empower each other towards acceptance and confidence!
Caitlin Harrison is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, social justice advocate, and a feminist. She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. Caitlin is a sex positive therapist with a special interest in the integration of sexuality and spirituality, women’s empowerment, and eradicating narratives of guilt and shame. She is passionate about working with couples because every partnership can be deepened, stretched, and more pleasure-forward.
Utilizing the relationship between client and therapist, Caitlin embodies hospitality and humor in her work which allows an inclusive and collaborative space to share all of life’s ups, downs, and in betweens. Overall, her work is focused on ensuring that you feel safe coming home to yourself. Caitlin feels at home with a cup of coffee in her hand, a bouquet of flowers nearby, and music at the ready to dance to.
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