On Active Reflection of Your Privilege
We are a quarter into 2023, and here’s where I (Amanda) want to do a quarterly check-in! Based on Anna’s blog “New New Year’s Resolutions,” I’m inviting all those reading to reflect. Not only about how you’re doing and how you’re taking care of yourself, but also about how we’re connecting and taking care of each other. (A big part of our approach, relational therapy, is connection to others and how that is healing!)
The question today is: What privileges do you have, and how could you use them to support others? To lead with vulnerability and showcase the reciprocity that can happen in therapy, here’s a few of our therapists’ answers from the beginning of the year.
Caitlin Harrison, AMFT:
I have many privileges - I am cisgendered, non-disabled, White, straight, I speak the majority language, I have a masters degree, and I hold spiritual beliefs that are connected with the majority of the U.S. Much of the world was made for me. As a therapist, I am in the majority - therapists are 80.9% White, 76.7% female, and 82% straight. And so, I hold a lot of power in my role and in my personal life. This year, I want to commit to more trainings taught by BIPOC instructors, as well as books and media created by BIPOC and queer folks, that will help to expand my worldview.
While meeting with clients, it looks like naming my privileged identity so that they do not have to, and staying curious about how my privilege impacts the therapeutic relationship. It also means listening to how they respond and creating safety for non-White clients to speak as freely as possible with me. And taking their word when they don't want to go further with me. This year, personally and professionally, I want to get better about apologies and owning my shit. I know that I have let colleagues down here at Kindman by not speaking up in the moment when there was a misunderstanding, a racially charged comment, or a thoughtless joke. I've got to do better so that our group practice can continue to grow.
And with clients who are privileged as I am, it looks like turning up the heat on ways that they can educate themselves, carry uncomfortable conversations with social circles, amplify voices of their colleagues of color, and donate their money. The more comfortable I get with facing the mirror that reflects the ways in which my privilege interacts with my identity, the more I can take my clients there too. I don't have to have the lived experience of oppression to understand that me and my ancestors have benefited from the labor of those that are oppressed. And because my lived experience is limited to a privileged one, I have choices everyday to stand up and do something different.
Gaby Teresa, LMFT:
I hold the following privileges: I hold a master's degree from a private institution, I am light-skinned, cis, middle class, (fairly) able-bodied and am a US citizen. Part of my work as a therapist and human is consistently acknowledging these privileges and the favors they have done for me this far in my life. While still being a BIPOC individual, I must recognize that my appearance has given me more opportunities than other BIPOC folx. The ways that I am marginalized certainly don't give me a "free pass" to ignore the other ways that I am holding privilege. For example, while I am still a part of the queer community, I am still cis. I will never have the same experience as a trans person, and I must make it very clear to my trans clients when I work with them! Something that I've also had to come to terms with is that I must make space and provide resources for my clients when they would feel more comfortable with a therapist who shares a marginalized identity with them that I don't have.
Kaitlin Kindman, LCSW:
I'm aware of holding many intersections of privilege across my identities and life experiences. Firstly, as a cis-, straight woman in a white body, I easily fit into the dominant norms of heteropatriarchy and have benefited heavily under white body supremacy, less frequently having to consider my race or feel alone or underrepresented in my experience. Not to mention all of the related systemic privileges and resources that I have enjoyed throughout my life that also afforded me educational privilege, economic privilege, business ownership, and more!
The most obvious way that I use my many privileges to support others is through the work we do at Kindman & Co. Paul and I have significantly more opportunity as white folks in our field, one where the numbers of BIPOC therapists are much too small, and we try to use the privilege of being able to open our own practice to amplify the voices and perspectives of BIPOC & LGBTQIA+ clinicians, as well as aiming to create a workplace that is both supportive and sustainable. Also, in the stance we take of absolutely bringing the outside/systemic injustice into the therapy room and talking about ways that white supremacy and all the -isms hurt all of us.
In my work with clients and in my personal life, I try to lean into and sometimes initiate the hard conversations around privilege, power, and marginalization and specifically hold other white bodied folks (and those who share in my other privileged identities) accountable and help meet them with compassion and curiosity to move toward embodied, values-aligned, action taking that supports culture change. I've also been personally participating in an online community, The Rooted Global Village, that I'd recommend to folks who are "un/learning," as this is a great space to better understand and connect with others around the trauma of living under white supremacy as well as working towards personal and cultural transformation.
Paul Kindman, LMFT:
Despite being an immigrant and former refugee, I have a great deal of privilege as a white, cis-gendered and non-disabled man. I also have the educational privilege that comes along with my graduate degree, not to mention the financial privilege of owning a business (along with my partner) and the privilege of creating policies and practices. My intention is to use the privileges I have in a way that acknowledges the discrepancy in agency between myself and those with less privilege, without being consumed with shame or "white guilt." One way I am trying to use this privilege is by helping to create an explicitly inclusive environment at our practice - where both team members and clients from historically (and currently) marginalized backgrounds and experiences can feel invited and safer. This requires a continued willingness and openness to receive feedback about the ways I'm falling short - which I do regularly. It also requires continued personal reflection, education, curiosity and humility - all of which I hope to get better at!
Steve Wilson, AMFT:
Steve: There’s often a feeling of shame or embarrassment that we feel when naming our privilege, but I don’t don’t think there’s anything to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. None of us got to chose our identities, what we do with our privilege is a different story.
I am a university-educated, white, cis-male, able bodied, English speaking, non-immigrant citizen from an upper-middle class family. I have a lot of privilege. Adding to that, I’m a therapist which comes with its own privileges and powers.
Privilege likes to stay undisturbed. It wants things to be nice and polite. Privilege thinks that talking frankly about privilege is mean or embarrassing, so I want clients to know is that I will not allow these privileges (my own and yours) to go unchecked in the world or even in therapy sessions. Silence and avoidance directly support marginalization. When we don’t explicitly name white-supremacy, classism, misogyny, and queer phobia, we allow them to continue doing harm. Staying quiet means supporting marginalization, limiting my own growth and my ability to connect with the full humanity of everyone I am in community with. I can’t do that to myself, and I can’t allow that to happen to my clients, my friends, my colleagues, or my neighbors.
In words made famous by Australian Aboriginal activists, “If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.” We all interact with privilege and oppression in unique ways, and we are all harmed when oppressive patterns reign. I hope that when we leverage privilege responsibly, we can create space for our collective humanity to flourish. There’s no shame in that.
Taylor Nunley, APCC:
A good deal of privilege comes with simply being a therapist, both the access we all had to the education needed to become one and the position itself. There's a deference often given to us in sessions that we haven't really earned yet, that we get purely because we're the therapist in the room. As such, one way that we can support our clients is to name that privilege, to acknowledge and process the impact of it on the counseling relationship. In terms of more specific privileges, I'm a cisgender, non-disabled individual. And compared to other Black people, I'm light-skinned. Transphobia, ableism, and colorism operate in favor of my identities in our society. Because of that, I have a responsibility to speak up when they're present in spaces I have safe access to, educating those of similar privilege and making room for those with less.
It’s your turn!
What privileges do you have, and how could you use them to support others? And for those in the global majority, identifying with marginalized communities, with identities not centered in our White supremacist, patriarchal, capitalistic society, who are needing direct therapeutic support, here are a few resources to find a therapist who “gets it”:
Amanda Lam, Care Coordinator:
I am a light-skinned, non-disabled, university graduate, and citizen with plenty of other privileges that align with the systems of oppression in place. In my everyday life, I’m trying to continue to speak up, advocate for inclusive changes to be made in my circles, and educate myself on social justice/human rights issues.
GET HELP NOW
If you are interested in therapy with Kindman & Co. and would like to learn more about the services we have to help you, follow these quick & easy steps:
Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with our Care Coordinator.
Get matched with the therapist who’s right for you.
Start feeling more supported and fulfilled in your life and relationships!
THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.
We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and support for creatives. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.