On Music & Self Care
After a long day all I really want to do is listen to music. It is an unmatched, easily-accessible form of self care that helps me to both move towards and away from my feelings. There is a reliability in the emotions that a song evokes—kind of like watching a movie and knowing the plot, with no surprises. I feel a sense of autonomy over my mood when I get to decide if I want to skip, replay or rewind a song until I feel satisfied with how I’ve felt the music. Music links me to other people, through shared feelings, and I’ve enjoyed bringing music into sessions with clients or even my own personal therapy.
is escapism a problem?
Often times, escapism is an action that comes with baggage in the mental health field but I think escaping can be just what we need...sometimes. If I find myself to be overwhelmed or deep in a feeling that is too intense I know that I can play a song that will bring me out of that heaviness and draw in a new energy—even if it is just for a few minutes. Sometimes a few minutes to escape something devastating can offer even one percent of relief. I try to remind clients that self care practices often don't make “everything better,” instead they inch us towards feeling like a more whole version of ourselves. A song or playlist can offer a small moment that helps to make life more tolerable that you can return to again and again.
how mindful listening to music helps you feel
As a therapist I am often interested in helping clients expand the way that they can connect and describe their emotions. As humans, we often rely on language to try to describe a complex experience and this is just not always enough. I'm the type of person that has less interest in lyrics and more interest in the feel or energy that a song can bring. If you are struggling to name a feeling, try to challenge yourself to choose a song that evokes that feeling or brings you closer to it. If you are feeling brave, you can even share this with your therapist to see where this takes your therapy session!
Here are some questions to consider when mindfully listening to music.
What about this song allows me to access my emotions?
Where do I feel a shift of emotions in my body?
Are there any lyrics that stand out to me?
Does this song call me to action? (ex. I want to clean my house to this song, it makes me want to take a nap, it makes me want to make out with my partner?)
Whether you are trying to reconnect with an emotional part of yourself or trying to create distance from a feeling. Music can take you on a journey to better understanding yourself. Self care doesn't have to be a day at the spa or regular, nightly journaling. Sometimes scream singing in your car (safely!) can offer a moment to release emotions and heavy energy that has accumulated inside of you throughout a hectic week. I’d encourage you to try this out and see what you learn about how music can be help you feel more deeply. Or if feeling deeply is too much, how music can be a powerful escape and tool for managing those big feeling moments. Let us know what you find out!
If you need any playlist/music suggestions, check out my colleague Caitlin Harrison’s blog, On A Therapist’s Playlist for Dancing Yourself Towards Healing. This article can give you ideas for both songs for therapy as well as songs to listen to on your own to help promote feeling and healing.
Dani Marrufo is Latinx, lesbian woman who is passionate about supporting Latinx, BIPOC, and LGBTQIA+ folks. She is constantly navigating the intersections of my queer identity & religion/spirituality and very excited about helping poly and queer-identified partners to feel more secure in their relationships, communicate effectively and compassionately, and bridge any relevant cultural differences to have increased curiosity and enjoyment in their partnership.
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