On Being a Black Queer Therapist
Get to know Taylor Nunley, APCC, NCC® - a Black, queer therapist! Taylor answers a few questions on who she is in and out of the therapy room.
what made me decide to become a therapist?
I don't think there was really any one thing that made me decide to become a therapist. I guess that's not really necessarily the question to pick one thing, but I mean I've always been really intrigued by storytelling and narrative and the fact that I'm really interested in it. The way that someone shares who they are with the world, how they reflect on who they are to themselves, how they relate to other people, and the creativity and the art in that. I think the way that I've pursued it has just looked different throughout the course of my life, but for a while I've known that therapy was one of the ways that I wanted to pursue that, and one of the ways that I wanted to investigate that kind of storytelling and narrative and relationship building.
I feel like I can kind of look back on my journey to get here, and I feel like I've had a lot of moments that affirm the decision to become a therapist. Certain moments with clients, certain moments in certain classes in grad school where I'm like, “Oh yeah, this is what I was waiting for. This is what I was looking for.” But I feel like it's been a decision. It's been kind of like a done deal in my head for so long, but it's hard to think back to a specific origin of it. But yeah, I mean it's been a thing that I've wanted to do for a while, and I am happy to be able to do it now.
what types of clients/people do you most enjoy working with?
In terms of clients that I most enjoy working with, I think artists, like people who have some sort of creative pursuit. And that's a big umbrella, but generally speaking, I'd say that it's pretty true for me that I was really enjoying creative clients, bringing some of that creativity into the work can be really fun.
I love funny clients. I am a therapist that will laugh at your joke. Unless it's problematic of course, but I love bringing humor into the work. Getting humor is so healing.
More specifically than that, I'm queer. I'm black. Black, queer clients are my bread and butter. Even Black clients separately from sexuality or gender. Queer clients separately from race. Clients of color in general. LGBTQIA + clients in general. I always enjoy a lot.
Specifically with Black clients, I will say, this is a very white field. There aren't a lot of clinicians of color. There are even fewer black clinicians specifically, and it is a very unique experience, which I say from both a therapist and client perspective. It is a unique experience to specifically share that identity in the room in a way that can be hard to describe or understand to somebody who doesn't necessarily share that identity.I hold a very special place in my heart for my Black clients for sure.
if I weren't a therapist, what would I be?
I mean, it's hard because I feel like I have a real answer and a practical answer - like a financially practical answer. I think my real answer, since I also write, if I weren't a therapist, I would just write and just pursue the film half of my brain in however that looked - making films with friends and things like that.
More practically, at least for where I am right now, I feel like I would try to get a job at a studio. I've done that before, and there's a consistency to it. There can be a consistency to it that I think feels comforting to me financially. Versus hopping from project to project, which can feel more exciting and fulfilling in a lot of ways that I absolutely acknowledge. I think it would stress me out too much financially in terms of trying to pursue film that way. So I would probably try to get a job at a studio again and work in TV or film that way if I weren't a therapist.
if a client saw you somewhere outside of the therapy room, where would they be most likely to run into you?
If a client saw me outside of therapy, they would most likely run into me at a Target. It's a pretty big one. At a coffee shop. Or getting Thai food. Yeah, those are probably the big ones.
what is something that a client would be surprised to learn about you?
I think a client would be surprised to learn that in college I played polo briefly, like the one on horses. And then played rugby for a few years. I was on a real white sport kick. But rugby, especially, is the one that I have heard is the most surprising, so I imagine that a client would be surprised about that.
what is one of your favorite things about being a therapist/counselor?
One of my favorite things about being a therapist is probably (well, favorite or least favorite depending on the context for sure) I know myself so much better now. As part of the process of becoming a therapist and having to unpack parts of myself and the way that I experience the world and the way that it influences the way that I interact with other people. Things that you want to be mindful of when you are helping somebody else through their stuff. I know myself so much better as a result of that, which feels really good. But also sometimes I will find myself wishing that I didn't have such clarity about something, wishing that, “Oh man, it would be so nice to live in blissful ignorance about XYZ thing” and just not having that. I just don't have that anymore. I just get myself now, which, like I said, is a good thing in a lot of ways, but sometimes it's fun to not know. It can be fun to not know. It can feel easier to be able to ignore a hard thing sometimes, and I definitely cannot get away with that anymore, but I would ultimately categorize it as a good thing for sure.
what are your thoughts on virtual therapy?
In terms of virtual therapy, I have a lot of good feelings about virtual therapy. I have primarily done virtual therapy as a therapist, just by virtue of coming up in the pandemic. I think it can assist with a lot of accessibility issues that can make in-person therapy difficult for a lot of people. It has its own accessibility issues, like in the sense that it requires the clients to have consistent internet access and a private space in which they can do therapy and a device on which they can do therapy. There are some barriers on that side, but I think it can be supportive for people, especially since we are still in the pandemic. I think virtual therapy could be very useful for immunocompromised people. People who have disabilities may not be able to physically get to the office.
Having the option to do therapy from home, I think really opens up options for people rather than just having an in-person-only kind of policy, which really restricts the kind of clients that you can have - the people who are only able to physically make it to you. So I think virtual therapy is very useful. I think it can change the dynamic with the therapist. It is a bit of a different experience than being in person and being able to feel the energy in the room, so to speak. But I do think that there are a lot of pros, and I think that it is a good thing, a very good, increasingly popular byproduct as a result of the not-good pandemic that we are currently in.
what do I do outside of work that helps maintain a well-balanced life?
[pause] I must do something. Let's see.
I watch a lot of TV. I like staying up-to-date with shows as new episodes come out. I think it's fun to stay involved in the stories and the characters as they're kind of moving through their lives. I also really enjoy talking to friends and family about different shows, especially if we're watching them together. There's a lot of community in that. That's a big thing.
I can hang out with my roommate. I can sometimes get very comfortable by myself, so it's nice to have some built-in socialization. I think that is definitely good for me, helps maintain a balance, whereas other forms of socialization, I would have to more actively seek out. What else do I do outside work?
I have some plants. That's a big thing for me. Only one out of the five of them has died so far. We have a B in plant parenthood right now, which is pretty high. Pretty high for us. That's been a nice low maintenance activity. As well as some of them are good for purifying the air. I have bad allergies, so that is nice too. Writing as well, like myself, or with friends. Also helps maintain the balance.
do I have a therapy-related quote or book that I want to share?
I had this one professor in grad school. We were talking about feeling pressure to kind of be magicians and magically make everything better for a client. If they're coming in wanting to move through multiple issues, feeling like we will do everything. We will support in everything and help in everything. Feeling like the expectation that when a client leaves us, everything should be completely and totally better.
And how heavy that was for us to hold. What she said was,
“We cute, but we ain't that special.”
Because yes, we are therapists and trained in what we do. We are able to help people find healing and move through and process things that they've been going through, patterns in their life. There are things that we're doing, but we are not actually magicians.
If someone has been dealing with a certain issue for their entire life, it's entirely possible that they will leave therapy in some way still dealing with that issue. It's a disclaimer that we tend to give before starting therapy with a new client that there aren't any guarantees necessarily. That we will do the work, we will work together, we will try to get from whatever point A is to whatever point B is as much as we can. Ultimately, we cannot guarantee a specific outcome.
Having that quote, that particular phrasing, as something just rolling around in my head every so often when I start to feel that pressure of “Am I doing enough? Am I helping enough? What is enough?,” it lowers the temperature, alleviates some of that pressure, and it makes it easier to sit in a space of “I will do the best that I can. My clients will do the best that they can. And we will get to where we get.”
That therapist is one chapter of a client's overall life, and they will probably have other therapists after me. It's a nice sobering thing to have in my head, so I don't know if that is useful for other therapists or even other clients. I don't know, but it was just what came to mind.
Taylor Nunley is an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor passionate about helping clients exploring intergenerational trauma, grappling with racial trauma, and healing from religious trauma. As a Black queer person, she know that feeling when racism pops up in a queer relationship, when biphobia pops up in a POC relationship, or when either pops up in a queer POC relationship. And is also passionate about helping clients in LGBTQIA+ intercultural relationships
Fun fact is that Taylor is an avid watcher of movies and, occasionally, a writer of them!
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