On The Problem with Demanding Barbie to Be Perfect
I’m wary of even writing this blog because I am certainly no film critic and I feel as though I am adding to the noise on this already heavily discussed topic. But, it continues to nag at me, so I thought, why not? Write a little, if only to help myself process.
So, I am one of the many people who has recently seen Greta Gerwig’s Barbie. I was one of the many that dressed in all pink to see Barbie. I loved being swept up in the collective experience of excitement, shared appreciation of a theme, and embracing of femininity. I can’t remember the last time that I left the theater and felt as if the entire audience was smiling at each other– it all felt so nice.
Since seeing Barbie the first time on opening day with my husband, I have seen it another two times in theaters, each with different viewing partners. The second time with my grandmother and the third time with a friend and my sister-in-law. Each time, I felt like I got to have different eyes on it and also, different conversations afterwards. And that has only been echoed by the countless conversations I’ve had with clients during therapy sessions and then the consistent commentary online.
what is the barbie movie trying to convey about society?
I knew the movie was going to be divisive for some. For those that it wasn’t divisive, you’re probably similar to me– you identify as feminist, you’re not threatened by women in power, and you’ve been processing how the patriarchy negatively impacts us all for some time now.
It wasn’t all too surprising to me how my grandmother left the movie with the takeaway that she felt badly for men– this feels like a generational sentiment. And there’s some gravity to this point that is emphasized in the movie– since patriarchy and toxic masculinity impact us all, men too are going to have a difficult time navigating society and attempting to address their identity.
For me though, the largest message I got was that we as a society need so much more. We need more movies and TV shows and media and unbanned books depicting non-men celebrating each other and not being jealous and encouraging one another to say “I deserved it” after receiving an accolade. I see that we need more because the overwhelming critique of this movie is that it didn’t get the message “right.” I have seen countless Reels, Tik Toks, and articles lambasting the film for not perfectly understanding how to approach feminism and how to dismantle patriarchal messaging.
Barbie certainly has a message that feels like Feminism 101 and held true to a White Feminism approach, which I had braced for. There was room and still is room for dialogue around how to expand the feminism featured to be more intersectional. How do we pay attention to how oppressed and marginalized identities are not helped by the broad stroke of feminism? As Kimberlé Crenshaw explains, “various forms of inequality often operate together and exacerbate each other,” which is why we need an intersectional approach.
why it’s important that barbie isn’t perfect
And! I feel frustrated that we as a society apparently went to see this movie and then hold it to the highest standard of perfection! This is where I feel fired up. This movie cannot be perfect. Perfectionism is a tool of White Supremacy. Perfectionism is a tool of the patriarchy. Perfectionism is what will take away our collective ability to have a capacity for complexity, to have a growth mindset, and to be able to hold discourse and conversation in new and safe ways.
Barbie is not perfect. Good. We don’t need perfection. We need to mess up and we need more examples of people trying to explore identity, feeling, and pink. We need room to make art that starts conversations on our experiences, childhoods, and overall desires.
How I am planning to continue exploring this desire of mine is by having an open mind with all I discuss the movie with. What did it bring up for you? What resonated with you? Did you think about your childhood? How is that different from my own experience? What is coming up for me that I feel protective of and don’t want to share in a general conversation?
I hope this encourages you to like what you like and discuss things even when you don’t. Because honestly, we need more discussions, engagement, respect, and connection in our relationships. And don’t worry—I will never judge you for being basic. Basic isn’t bad—it’s just another measure for people to judge each other by. Wear the pink (or don’t) and viva la revolution!
Caitlin Harrison is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, social justice advocate, and a feminist. She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. Caitlin is a sex positive therapist with a special interest in the integration of sexuality and spirituality, women’s empowerment, and eradicating narratives of guilt and shame. She is passionate about working with couples because every partnership can be deepened, stretched, and more pleasure-forward.
Utilizing the relationship between client and therapist, Caitlin embodies hospitality and humor in her work which allows an inclusive and collaborative space to share all of life’s ups, downs, and in betweens. Overall, her work is focused on ensuring that you feel safe coming home to yourself. Caitlin feels at home with a cup of coffee in her hand, a bouquet of flowers nearby, and music at the ready to dance to.
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