On Talking About Work in Therapy
When doing the work involves talking about work, I often notice folks worrying that this isn’t something we should be spending time on in the therapy room. “I should just be grateful that I have a job,” or “Work isn’t really that important to me,” or “Everyone hates work, it is what it is.” These all make so much sense to me, and I’ve even said the same. But just like relationships, big life transitions, and any of life’s challenges, work has a huge impact on mental health, so let’s talk about it.
why is it important to talk about work in therapy?
Maybe talking about work means finding the right type of work. My own story at times felt like an aimless wander through career and job changes (first grade teacher, cabinet maker, Costco membership hawker, zip line tour guide, tech startup recruiting) that I now draw upon for inspiration, nostalgia, and confidence. Some of these jobs showed me a different part of what I valued. For one it was work that felt meaningful, for another, work that felt enriching, still another, work that felt sustainable. Others taught me what I couldn’t abide, that is, a lack of autonomy, dangerous conditions, and a disrespect for my life outside of work. In the end, finding the work I wanted to do was a therapeutic process that led me down the path of asking what do I want, what are my values, and how do I want to spend my days? These questions helped me get out of the looping and judgmental worry that “I should have had this figured out by now,” and approaching these questions with open curiosity and less judgment, the search for work that felt right became a deeply personal growth process.
work is a reflection of our values & our environment
Perhaps talking about work means exploring the ways in which internalized capitalist values have a huge impact on wellbeing. Any therapy process, especially if we’re talking about jobs, has to take into account the larger value systems that influence us. Capitalism in America expects perpetual growth, maximum efficiency, specialization, and profit. My puritan ancestors (the ones that shaped American government and economic practices for all of us) equated being a good person with being a productive person. We see this all over, from admonitions to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” to blind assumptions of meritocracy that don't account for social realities of oppression and privilege. These ways of thinking lead us to put aside our human need for rest, connection, safety, and dignity, in service of business that may or may not have our best interest in mind.
we’re taught that our work defines us & our self-worth
On a personal level this can lead to feelings of self-worth, belonging, and even a sense of meaning that rely entirely on the work we do and how it is valued or demeaned. Don’t get me wrong, work can be supportive in these ways, but defining ourselves only through the work we do leaves us vulnerable to forces outside our control and can lead to depression and anxiety, feelings of powerlessness, loss of autonomy, burnout and the inability to simply rest.
Talking about work can also be about relationships and humanity, because every retail worker, therapist, performer, engineer, entrepreneur, or what-have-you is a fully fledged human being that has much more to bring to the table than just their job function. The realities of professionalism can be constricting as much as they facilitate our work identities. Just like any other component of identity, whether cultural, sexual, gender, etc., who you are at work can bring with it privileges and challenges worth discussing in therapy.
discussing work in therapy can connect you to your values & purpose
So much more than complaining about bosses and coworkers, how we work says so much about who we are. Maybe you are on a quest to figure out what you want from work beyond a paycheck. Exploring work and career helps highlight our values and points us in the direction of meaning and purpose. In a world that can ask us to give ourselves over entirely to work, it’s worth discovering what we want from it, and what we don’t. In the process, there is a lot to learn about how we relate to the world around us, and the place we can make for ourselves.
Steve Wilson is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, a queer man, and a feminist. He loves working with young adults navigating adulthood, folks healing from racial trauma and minority stress, and couples/partners. He is especially drawn to working with adolescents and young adults embracing queerness. He deeply and personally understand the complexities of queer experience and want to help other queer individuals and partners, parents of queer and trans youth, and those practicing consensual non-monogamy (CNM) to build thriving, connected, & healing relationships.
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