We get asked a lot here at Kindman & Co. if insurance benefits will cover relationship or couples therapy. The short answer is: Probably not. 

And we’re not happy about it.

As of right now, insurance companies are not required by the federal government to cover relationship counseling services because they do not qualify as meeting “medical necessity.” This means that from the perspective of insurance companies, problems in your relationship are not considered issues that impact your overall health to a degree that necessitates they pay for medical treatment.

why health insurance continues to be problematic

The most reliable way to get insurance to pay for couples therapy is if one member of a partnership has been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, and then can be defined as the “identified patient.” From our perspective, this is problematic for a couple of reasons. First of all, it’s never just one person that’s The Problem in a relationship. Relationships are always co-created messes, and our work is to help both partners work to fix whatever’s coming up and learn to care for each other in ways that work. This route also saddles one partner with a mental health diagnosis that could have lasting implications. 

In California, the Mental Health Parity Act that passed in 2021 was supposed to address this in part by making sure that insurance companies were paying for every diagnosis in the DSM V (Diagnostic Statistical Manual), and this includes things that are less pathologizing than traditional diagnoses, for example: “Relationship Distress With Spouse or Intimate Partner.” But this still has to be assigned to a single partner.

The Diagnose One Partner route to using insurance benefits to pay for couples therapy is also a manifestation of harmful narratives of individualism in our health systems. Locating relationship problems inside of a single person overlooks so many important contextual factors—history, environment, intersectional identity, systems. We don’t feel good about it because we don’t believe any relationship struggles are the fault of a single person. Period. Humans are way more complicated than that!

Think about the most common reasons people seek couples therapy:

• Frequent arguing/struggles to communicate or understand one another

• Values misalignment

• Desire discrepancy/feeling sexually unfulfilled

• Challenges managing time & feeling the relationship has been deprioritized

• Family Planning

• Betrayal

• Considering an open relationship or nontraditional relationship boundaries

None of these are things that are the problem or fault of a single partner!

kindman & co.’s stance on couples therapy

From our stance as relational therapists, the way that insurance companies view couples therapy doesn’t make any sense. Of course your relationships impact your health and wellbeing! Of course conflict, stress, and relational strain (all of which have been confirmed by research time and time again to have a direct impact on your physical health) require attention! 

We believe that relationships are integral to our functioning as humans. We are wired for connection as a species, and it is through connection that we are able to heal, grow, and change. This is why we believe so strongly in couples therapy as a preventative measure to be used before you reach the brink. 

If you’re interested in exploring couples therapy with therapists who will be honest, passionate advocates for you and your relationship—reach out. We’ll do our best to help you navigate insurance, too, if that’s something you’re interested in, but know that we believe the investment of couples therapy is really important whether or not insurance agrees!

Anna Kim is an Associate Clinical Social Worker, a writer, and an adventurer. Anna works with individuals, intimate relationships, families, and groups to support growth and change. She is especially interested in grief & loss, identity & authenticity, and attachment, but appreciates all the infinite, complicated parts of being alive.

GET HELP NOW

If you are interested in therapy with Kindman & Co. and would like to learn more about the services we have to help you, follow these quick & easy steps:

1. Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with our Care Coordinator.

2. Get matched with the therapist who’s right for you.

Start feeling more supported and fulfilled in your life and relationships!

THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.

We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and support for creatives. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.