BY GUEST BLOGGER JULIA BORGEN

For most people, spending time with their family during the holidays is important. Apart from having a chance to build memories together, celebrating holidays with the family allows people to connect and strengthen familial relationships. That’s why recent surveys reveal that up to 92% of Americans celebrate holidays and associate them with pleasant emotions.

That said, while holidays are typically the perfect time to be with family members, not everyone feels positively about this time. According to the same survey above, 1 in 5 adults still struggle with the holidays. This is particularly heightened if they have complicated relationships with their families or hectic personal lives.

it’s okay not to spend holidays with your family

If you choose not to spend the holidays with your family, it’s nothing to be ashamed of because not all families are the same. For example, some prefer to skip family holidays for the sake of their mental health, just like writer Ashley Shannon. After her parents divorced, they started celebrating holidays apart. Previously, when they celebrated together, her parents always ended up arguing about their past and mistakes, ruining everyone’s moods and holiday spirit. To avoid getting involved in toxicity, she chose to skip going home for the holidays. But even if individuals have good relationships with their families, some are choosing to enjoy the festivities elsewhere.

An article from the New York Times shares how more Americans are changing their holiday opinions and traditions. For instance, Lexi Ivarsson (who is featured in the above article) decided to celebrate Thanksgiving with her best friend's family. Even though nothing is wrong with her relationship with her own family, she chose to skip the required 10-hour drive to see them and avoid the stress of traveling with kids. Ivarsson said, “We’ve all finally realized we don’t have to do things the way they’ve always been,” and that’s completely alright because your idea of a family and spending holiday time with loved ones doesn't have to be limited by blood ties.

how to navigate your family holidays

After all is said and done, though, many people are still unable to avoid stereotypical holiday obligations. If you're among these people, it's natural to feel worried. But there are ways in which this time can be made more pleasant. 

1. Drop the us-versus-them mentality

   One of the effective methods you can adopt is by dropping the us-versus-them mindset. This is where you perceive those with opposing views as your enemy, developing a bias against others. Instead, it's better to be open to communicating and listening to all viewpoints. In High Conflict by Amanda Ripley, she explains that it can be good for people who disagree to state their differences. This is because it can be a way for you to reignite curiosity and rehumanize opponents rather than creating a barrier that silence and distance makes. What's more, avoiding a clique-ish mindset can allow you to find common grounds that can help maintain a civil relationship despite being complete opposites.
   
   When it comes to familial relationships, this method is applicable as well. Hear each other out first instead of ignoring what the other person has to say. Even if you no longer plan to establish a strong relationship with them, having civil conversations with them will allow you to have a more peaceful family holiday. And if you don’t want to converse with problematic family members, simply smiling and nodding can go a long way. You can also just tune out of any conversations or find distractions like helping out in doing chores.

2. Ask for support

   Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Before the gathering, you can ask relatives you're closer to for assistance when dealing with certain family members throughout the event. Also, don’t be afraid to tell your parents or loved ones if you’re truly feeling uncomfortable or in need of support. Our article entitled ‘On Bad Feelings’ explains that feeling sad during the holidays is not inherently bad. In fact, it allows you to connect with others, reflect on love, find meaning, and be vulnerable enough to ask for support, which is not a sign of weakness. Instead, showing that you’re unhappy with the situation lets others understand what you’re feeling and help you overcome the holidays.

Holidays with your family don’t have to be a traumatic experience. While the perfect holiday may not exist, hopefully, this article can successfully guide you to a pleasing one with your family.

Julia Borgen is a freelance writer by trade with a special interest in mental health advocacies. Aside from writing, she has helped mental health awareness by serving local nonprofits through volunteer work. During her downtime, Julia likes to go on meditative hikes with her three dogs.

GET HELP NOW

If you are interested in therapy with Kindman & Co. and would like to learn more about the services we have to help you, follow these quick & easy steps:

1. Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with our Care Coordinator.

2. Get matched with the therapist who’s right for you.

Start feeling more supported and fulfilled in your life and relationships!

THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.

We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and support for creatives. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.