I’ve been dealing with this thing that I’m going to call Sunday Angries (™️ pending). Sunday Angries is similar to the Sunday Scaries concept, which is when people feel anxiety about the impending doom of the work week, as detailed well in The Atlantic’s article, Why People Get the ‘Sunday Scaries’. For me, Sunday Angries are more tied to issues around perfectionism, something I am actively working on recovering from. In this blog, I am going to discuss how perfectionism can impact your relaxation and self-care, and then provide a few ways to support engaging with self-care in a new way.

sunday angries—frustrations about time & perfectionism

Sunday Angries start when I have a thought on Sunday morning that sounds like, “I wish I had one more day to relax.” I tend to feel disappointed by how I spent my weekend, my time off, and I feel frustrated by the limitations of time. Time is an actual constraint; however, part of this frustration is towards myself. I realized that I have not prioritized or managed my time well, and the consequence is this “never-good-enough” feeling going into the work week.

On considering the multiple parts of this pattern, I have realized that I have been overwhelmed with all of my options for different types of rest (see Paul’s most recent blog on the different types of rest here), and so often times, I haven’t participated in any of the forms of rest that would be beneficial for me. I have a hard time taking care of myself, prioritizing myself, and so when I have an excess amount of time, I feel paralyzed by how to best start. And then I just get sucked into doom scrolling on my phone. Yes, therapists doom scroll, too.

When I get to the weekend, I tend to view it as a time to just shut off completely and let go of all routines or supports. But that doesn’t work for my brain. My brain likes consistency and certainty, and the perfectionist part of my brain has difficulty with understanding how to find a happy medium between rotting (which is not a bad thing) and hyper-functioning.

an antidote to perfectionism: beginning again

This weekly pattern of mine feels reminiscent of the turning of the new year. With the new year, I feel all of the hope for something different, and then some frustration and let down when I’m in fact, very much just the same person on January 1st. This year, a small promise I made was that I would be allowed to begin again as many times as I want. And so, I want to offer some encouragement and tangible steps towards the practice of beginning again: 

1. When noticing the frustration and starts of “should’ve” self-talk (i.e. “I should have done this better,” “I should have done that differently,” etc.), take a pause. Notice that these thoughts are connected to shame.

2. Say (ideally out loud), “I feel you, shame/anger.”

3. Then, use some part of your body to move through or shake off this feeling. I like shaking my hands, or holding my fist at my chest and then pushing it off my body in a brushing off movement. Sometimes this can also look like running in place, or dancing a little. The goal here is to use your connection to your body to move through this emotion and help you get unstuck.

4. Now, embrace and practice an affirmation around beginning again. Ones I like are “I’m allowed to begin again” and “I can start right now” and “It’s okay to return to this place.”

5. Next comes the important part of actually doing something different. I like to put myself into a different space to remind myself that this is part of the invitation to make a new choice. Moving to a different room, going outside, or even moving your chair to face a different direction can all help.

6. And then start with something easy and inviting— read a book, take a nap, call a friend, wipe down one part of your countertop… something that allows you an easier mood shift and satisfying motivation.

7. Notice how this activity made you feel—are you encouraged to do more of it? Or is it time to start something else?

8. Rinse and repeat as necessary!

Hopefully these steps allow you to reconnect with your body, and remind yourself that you’re allowed to start over as much as you want. Rest and recovery time is important, but we have to do the hard work of identifying what we need in order to rest and care for ourselves well. Cheers to beginning again and using anger as a way to better identify that we want to change something!

Caitlin Harrison is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, social justice advocate, and a feminist.  She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. Caitlin is a sex positive therapist with a special interest in the integration of sexuality and spirituality, women’s empowerment, and eradicating narratives of guilt and shame. She is passionate about working with couples because every partnership can be deepened, stretched, and more pleasure-forward.

Utilizing the relationship between client and therapist, Caitlin embodies hospitality and humor in her work which allows an inclusive and collaborative space to share all of life’s ups, downs, and in betweens. Overall, her work is focused on ensuring that you feel safe coming home to yourself. Caitlin feels at home with a cup of coffee in her hand, a bouquet of flowers nearby, and music at the ready to dance to.

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