Anyone feeling like Lana del Rey’s song, “Summertime Sadness”, is especially applicable right now? This past year has held a rollercoaster of emotions and required humankind to focus on survival. And now, many of us are vaccinated and curious about what life and relationships look like in this post-vaccinated world. For me, I know I’m feeling the tension of “returning to normal” while not feeling “normal” at all. In an effort to assist you in navigating this season, this blog will explore practices to maintain, prompts to reflect on, and ways to attempt to care for yourself this summer.

what supported you through the pandemic?

Let’s begin here so that you can keep in mind what came up for you during this reflection when you try the practices and self-care tips that I'll outline later. Because, when life gets fast, there is extra need to slow down. Schedule some time to slow down and ask yourself the following questions (it might be helpful to journal as you do so):

• What got me through this past year and a half?

• What have I been wanting to return to the most while in lockdown?

• What will be helpful as I return to new events or places?

• Who were the people I talked to the most over the past year and a half?

• Were there any folx who I did not think of at all over the past year and a half?

•  How has my body changed over the past year and a half?

• Were there any family members that I did not miss seeing?

• Have my goals for the future changed in the past year and a half?

• What causes do I care more about now than I did before 2020?

I feel as though it is safe to assume that a lot has changed for you. We are not the same as we were a year and a half ago. The hope for these prompts is to encourage self-reflection around the things that changed us, how we adapted, and what feels hopeful to hold onto now. Our bodies are different, and for a lot of us, so are our hearts.

“we feel different because we are different.
and that’s okay.”

two essential forms of coping: soothing & nurturing

In the reflection you just accomplished, I hope that there was time to acknowledge all the ways that you helped yourself to survive! What a wonderful gift coping is. Sometimes, our bodies know intuitively what they need and other times, it takes more work to truly understand what our bodies need. Either way, I’m sure there were practices that brought grounding for you while facing isolation, anxiety, and stress. In transitioning into this next phase, it is important to maintain some of the things that have helped you to stay afloat.

We experienced much change and so to help ourselves out, let’s continue some semblance of routine and ritual. I heard recently that there are two types of coping skills—soothing and nurturing. Soothing coping is a reactionary skill that allows us to ground after a crisis, while nurturing coping is a proactive skill that supports you to move towards thriving. Right now, as threat lessens, we are transitioning into being able to utilize more of our nurturing coping skills.

ideas for nurturing coping skills

Here’s some ideas to start out and to help invite more nurturing coping into your life at present:

• Hobbies

  Were you one of those people who developed a knack for baking bread? Or delved into some other creative hobby? I wonder what it would look like for you to continue to incorporate that into your current life? If the hobby’s purpose was to distract you from all that was going on, choose to be intentional in the action. Meet the hobby with a renewed sense of gratitude and use this to bring you contentment in the present.

• Walking

  I became an avid walker during quarantine; it was one of the ways I could move, get out of my house, and get out of my mind, safely. I have started to realize how important these walks have meant to me during quarantine, as I became more reliant on my new spin bike and some other gym classes. If you are hoping to meet this practice with renewed proactivity, use it to gain grounding and invite moments without noise. I relied heavily on podcasts and audiobooks, and now choose to walk without any noise since the world is feeling a little noisier.

• Cooking at home intentionally

  There were so many fun moments over quarantine where we got to create joy around cooking because it felt like one of the few things we had control over. And, it felt safer to cook at home most of the time. So now that restaurants are open (and I am wanting to support local restaurants!), I am feeling a pull to be intentional and cook a couple of nights a week. Rather than an act of necessity, it is an act of hospitality and connection.

• Calling your family/friends

  For myself and so many others, the collective lockdown brought organized Zoom calls and virtual game nights with friends and family that live out-of-state. It was so nice to reconnect with these faraway folx and our shared interest in doing so. Now that we are all getting a little busier, I invite you to rely on some of these old rituals and plan a time to call and check in with the folx that are not in your daily life.

the importance of self-care as we emerge from stay-at-home

So, in continuing to discuss specific ways to show yourself care this summer, I want to begin with the need to give yourself grace and permission. Remember how you realized how different you think, feel, and are after the reflection prompts? You will not be able to show up to work, social activities, family events, dating situations, and other “regular” life in the same way that you used to before the pandemic! It’s okay to feel more tired after one social event. It’s okay to need more time to accomplish work tasks. It’s okay to feel more boundaried around time spent with extended family. Say it with me:

It’s okay to not feel the same as I used to.

Additionally, in caring for yourself, I want to invite you to consider your priorities and encourage you to choose community. For me, I’m wanting to make mutual aid and volunteering a way that I invite more community and liberation into my life. There were so many ways that I felt limited in giving last year, so I hope to bring more tangible ways of showingupness with me as an act of community care. For more on this, I just purchased Dean Spade’s Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity During This Crisis, as suggested by the wonderful Kendra Austin.

Lastly, I encourage you to feel some feelings that felt too frivolous to feel last year, when we were busy surviving. I encourage you to try on some angst. I’ve been inspired by Olivia Rodrigo’s Sour album to re-ignite the soft punk vibes of my youth and create a playlist that I can get caught up in sweet, sweet angst to. Paint your nails black, put eyeliner on your bottom lash line, get the fishnets with holes on them, and bang your head with conviction. Angst calls us to feel and let out a little tantrum dance. And for me, that feels very needed right now.

All in all, we require more AND less right now—more space to reflect and less time to react. Lean into the time that you had to reflect and change, and use this as information for the present. Be gentle with the ways that your body is showing up in this world. You are allowed to be soft and to say no and to care for yourself in new ways. In fact, you’ll have to. Take care friends, it’s been a bumpy ride but we still get to do this together.

Caitlin Harrison is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, social justice advocate, and a feminist.  She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. Caitlin is a sex positive therapist with a special interest in the integration of sexuality and spirituality, womxn’s empowerment, and eradicating narratives of guilt and shame. She is passionate about working with couples because every partnership can be deepened, stretched, and more pleasure-forward.

Utilizing the relationship between client and therapist, Caitlin embodies hospitality and humor in her work which allows an inclusive and collaborative space to share all of life’s ups, downs, and in betweens. Overall, her work is focused on ensuring that you feel safe coming home to yourself. Caitlin feels at home with a cup of coffee in her hand, a bouquet of flowers nearby, and music at the ready to dance to.

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