Did you know that human beings have an embedded and fundamental wiring for connection? There are certain regions of our brain and nervous system that are primed with the need to belong, fueling our desire to engage in and sustain meaningful relationships. When we have intimacy with other human beings, rushes of neurochemicals are delivered to these systems in our brain and immediately our hearts are filled with warmth and fulfillment. Being connected to others creates a feeling that (literally) soothes every layer of our being. 

Not bought in yet? Below are some more reasons why it’s vitally important that we invest in building connections with others and some tips for how to do that in pandemic life:

Connection Fosters Belonging

As in many aspects of life, there is no one-size-fits-all meaning or approach to being “in connection.” By this I mean that my definition of “in connection” may look different from yours. What I do know to be true is that my experience of investing time and energy to build relationship safety and meaningful connection has unequivocally resulted in a heightened sense of courage to express myself freely and vulnerably. When we are able to fully and authentically express ourselves and be accepted by others, we believe that we belong.

Here’s a representation of what I’ve experienced: 
Relationship Safety > Show Up with Courage & Presence > Express Myself Openly & Vulnerably > Deep Connection.

It is as if these fulfilling relationships have reinforced my sense of true belonging and simultaneously, gifted me the courage to show up as I fully am. 

It Takes Courage to Connect 

Showing your true and authentic self is risky!  It can feel scary and we may worry that we will be rejected. Rejection can confirm our worst fears: “there is something wrong with me”, “i’m not good enough”, or “i’m not normal.”  

Every one of us is capable of inspiring the essential courage for connection in those around us.  Whether it’s by taking the first step to share our story, offering our time and help, expressing our vulnerabilities and fears, or quite frankly... just being human. Being human is a messy job! Showing our messiness tells others it’s okay to show theirs as well.

As complex as we are, I really do believe that our similarities are vast, and oftentimes we miss out on connecting due to protecting against pain and fears of rejection. There’s no shortage of reasons to think connection is too risky, and yet our similarities are waiting to be celebrated together, on the other side of fear. We won’t ever know that we belong (and get to feel the yummy feelings of belonging) if we don’t take risks of showing our true selves to one another.

Challenges to Connection in 2020 

The challenge in my eager attempt to advocate for connection, is that we are living in incredibly isolating times. Unfortunately (also like many aspects of life) I have no control over this isolating and socially-distanced time. With things much more difficult to navigate due to our concerns for safety and accessibility, how can we even think about connection? In truth, we must. 

Now more than ever, we need to reframe the value we place on connection and make efforts to resource ourselves during these challenging times. We need to be more intentional and thoughtful about our reaches for support and connection now. Some ways you can grow and/or maintain your relationships while being safe are:

• Scheduling virtual hang out dates with your friends and family

• Meeting up for socially-distanced picnics at a park 

• Going on afternoon walks with friends and partners

• Hosting video parties with games that promote intimacy, like We’re Not Really Strangers

• Meeting new people through internet dating and friend apps and challenging yourself to show up more authentically

• Joining groups on Meetup that foster your passions and interests

• Host a Netflix Party that allows you to watch a movie with friends in real time and chat about the content and how it’s impacting you 

• Consider joining a therapy group where you will get to meet new people and practice risk-taking to show up authentically

If you are attempting to make new connections, you should consider challenging yourself to research virtual groups that meet weekly or monthly in order to maintain a sense of continuity and build relationships that grow! You may even feel inclined to start a group yourself that you and friends could facilitate, in order to establish connections with other like-minded folx.

Connection is Our Livelihood 

One of the oldest ongoing research studies, dating back to the 1930’s, has shown that social, connected relationships keep us happier and healthier throughout our lifespan. In contrast, the study showed that people who are more isolated, and have less quality relationships, find that their health is impacted and declines during a time in their mid-life. What influences the positive effect that social relationships have on our health,  is not the quantity of the number of relationships we have, but the quality of having deeply-connected, intimate relationships. 

As you can see, connection is vital to our well-being. If we embrace risk and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we are rewarded by getting to be our truest selves and learn that we are loved and that we belong. We don’t need large, social gatherings to connect. Rather, we need deep, quality connections with folx who lead with courage and in effect, gift us the same. 

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References 

Martin-Joy, John S., et al. "Development of adaptive coping from mid to late life: A 70-year longitudinal study of defense maturity and its psychosocial correlates." The Journal of nervous and mental disease 205.9 (2017): 685-691.

Gaby Ramos is passionate about the process of becoming and knowing oneself and she believes that as our self awareness increases, the quality of our communication improves; fostering self-esteem, confidence, and resiliency in our relationships. She is mindful of the unfolding process in the present moment and take a gentle yet active approach in helping individuals recognize and embrace a genuine experience of self. As you collaborate, she will support and help guide you in being an embodied participant of your present emotions.

Gaby brings her inherent values of cultural awareness and diversity to the room with her. She works from a relational, culturally sensitive, and embodied perspective. As a highly sensitive person and former national and international professional performer, she strongly enjoys helping individuals access their creative potentials.

THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.

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