As mental health matters become less stigmatized, there has been a collective exploration of the many options someone starting therapy may have. A big question that arises is “What type of therapy is good for me?” Another question that typically follows is, “Does the kind of therapy I receive even matter?” With so many types of therapy—more than fifty types of therapeutic approaches in a quick Google search—I get it, it feels overwhelming. Here at Kindman & Co., we offer relational therapy, one of the many modalities of talk therapy engineered to help you. This blog will discuss what relational therapy is, what it looks like in a session, and why this matters.

what is relational therapy?

At its core, relational therapy recognizes that the primary tool for change and/or growth is the relationship between client and therapist. This focus on relationships comes from the psychology of connection and co-regulation. We as humans are created for connection. We require support from other humans—without it we are isolated, anxious, depressed, and experience dis-ease. When folx are in emotional distress, it is satisfying mutual relationships with other humans that aids in healing and empowerment.

Much of the emphasis on relationships is based in knowledge of attachment theory. This theory was developed by John Bowlby who sought to understand the distress of infants when separated from their parents. From his and Mary Ainsworth’s research, four attachment styles were documented and further studied as they translate to adult relationships. The four attachment styles are as follows: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Anxious-Avoidant. For more information on attachment theory and styles, I’d suggest this article by R. Chris Fraley or the book, Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.

The piece of information that I need you to know is: it is possible to cultivate a more secure attachment style as an adult through increased stable relationships. This is so exciting for me as a therapist! My personal point of view for therapy is that it should be a place for you to heal from the past, integrate the present, and create hope for the future. Security allows you to come home to yourself; what a wonderful place that can be.

And how does relational therapy come into play? Being able to form a secure and trusting relationship with your therapist allows folx to experience what a safe relationship can look and feel like. Experiencing a safe relationship is a freedom to be known, seen, and heard with acceptance and understanding.

what does relational therapy look like?

A big distinction with relational therapy is that you won’t have a therapist who sits there and simply nods. Since the relationship is prioritized, I tell clients that they will most likely learn about me as we work together. That is because trust is formed by reciprocity. Therapy can be scary; I think it’s helpful to know a little about the person who is working with you and sharing in the vulnerability.

Additionally, an instrumental piece of relational therapy is considering how differences in power or equality as well as race, class, gender, and culture shape a person and their relationships. It would be unethical of me to not consider the factors that are outside of your control, and more so, not to acknowledge how differences in power/life experience may affect our relationship. For example, I am a White, cisgender, heterosexual, womxn and I recognize that these intersections alone reveal possible discrepancies in how I show up contrasted with how other folx are able to show up. 

So, during a session together, you might hear me say things like,

·       “Does this (example of a relationship pattern) feel familiar to you?” or

·       “What was it like for you to say that to me?” or

·       “How does it feel to explore that with me right now?”

All of these questions point to how you and I, client and therapist, can connect and collaborate together human-to-human. You might also hear me say things like, I truly understand where you’re coming from because I myself have experienced something very similar. Humans experience pain, and we are all comforted to know that we are not alone in our pain.

Lastly, know that in the room (virtually or otherwise), you will be treated authentically. Part of relational therapy is recognizing that each client is a unique individual who is on a specific path. As your therapist, I want to work with you to acknowledge, accept, and celebrate all of your special traits, gifts, and how you contribute to the world. This is a long-term approach because lasting change occurs when you can heal the past, integrate the present, and create hope for the future—in collaboration with a trusted therapist.

why relational therapy matters

Folx who have been struggling with long-term emotional distress or turmoil from relationships can often find that this type of therapy is most beneficial for facilitating healing and change, simply because of the emphasis of relationship. So often relationships that have caused stress and distrust in the past continue to plague current relationships. Relational therapy matters because it offers a chance for clients to rework painful relationship patterns and collaborate with a trusted person in the present. THIS is where healing begins.

Like the Brené Brown quote on Kindman & Co.’s website landing page says, “We don’t have to do all of it alone. we were never meant to.” Meeting with me, or one of the many fantastic therapists at Kindman & Co., is a step towards healing. Humans were not meant to do this life alone, something that feels especially important in our current circumstances.

Relational therapy provides an opportunity to explore relational patterns, craft deeper and more vulnerable relationships, and find empowerment and healing. It has been found to be especially helpful for those experiencing difficulty with anxiety, stress, or depression. Overall, relational therapy provides the warmth and support for you to be able to find insight and make connections that improve your life.

If you’re curious to connect and change

If you’ve read this and it’s brought up questions like, “How do I relate to those around me?” or “What’s missing in the connections I have?”, I think relational therapy could be a great fit for you. Relational therapy allows you to form a secure attachment which improves your relationship with yourself and others. It can look like your therapist and you collaborating together through trust and vulnerability. And relational therapy matters because it offers an opportunity to find empowerment and healing.

Caitlin Harrison is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, social justice advocate, and a feminist.  She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. Caitlin is a sex positive therapist with a special interest in the integration of sexuality and spirituality, womxn’s empowerment, and eradicating narratives of guilt and shame. She is passionate about working with couples because every partnership can be deepened, stretched, and more pleasure-forward.

Utilizing the relationship between client and therapist, Caitlin embodies hospitality and humor in her work which allows an inclusive and collaborative space to share all of life’s ups, downs, and in betweens. Overall, her work is focused on ensuring that you feel safe coming home to yourself. Caitlin feels at home with a cup of coffee in her hand, a bouquet of flowers nearby, and music at the ready to dance to.

THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.

We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, support for artists /creative types, therapy for teens & young adults, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and therapy for therapists. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.

GET HELP NOW

If you are interested in therapy with Kindman & Co. and would like to learn more about the services we have to help you, follow these quick & easy steps:

1. Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with our Care Coordinator.

2. Get matched with the therapist who’s right for you.

Start feeling more supported and fulfilled in your life and relationships!