Have you recently lost a loved one? Have you been feeling fatigued, sick, or physically in pain? This may be caused by unprocessed grief. This is what grief does to your body. Grief is a powerful process, with no schedule, no rules, and no simple cure. Despite our cultural norms around keeping big feelings of grief private and contained, talking about loss, death, and dying with people who get it is an essential part of healing through the grieving process.

Thanks to Anna Kim,  who sat down with me to have the illuminating conversation about support for grief below.

KK: I'm Kaitlin of Kindman and Co., and I'm here with Anna Kim, one of our fabulous therapists and we're going to talk a little bit today about grief. Anna, tell me a little about the kinds of clients that you like to work with and what you feel they're most struggling with.

AK: Absolutely. I have both a personal and professional interest in grief. It's something that I've experienced in my own life and so I really like supporting clients who are going through the grief process. This can look like lots of different things, but I think folks often feel really alone or isolated, or they feel like they're doing it wrong. They're really sad one day and then they feel okay and then they get sad again and they feel like they've somehow messed up the grief process. Of course, that actually IS the grief process.

KK: Absolutely. Right. There's a lot of room to be judging yourself for how good you're grieving, how right you're doing it…

AK: Yes. In movies and media, we see these representations of grieving people where they get dressed up in black and go to a funeral and then they move on. It's the next scene. They're ready, they're done. That's just not how grief works.

KK: Five-minute grieving! Recognizing that society and culture, movies, media give us this sense that grief is a really brief process and we know in actuality that it is long and it has a lot of twists and turns. There's so much room to feel like you're not doing it right. What advice would you give or what tip would you give to someone who is newly navigating grief?

AK: I think that it really is more of a mindset shift—thinking about how can you just let it be what it is. To that, I might recommend that folks look up books or podcasts or any other resources, even just talking to other people who've experienced grief. I think the more you hear about other people's grief, the more normalized and really familiar those stories will become for you.

KK: Getting with other people who have been through it is the best thing that you can do for yourself.

AK: Absolutely.

KK: It's also the last thing that you maybe think that you want to do when you're grieving. You want to shut in and put a pillow over your head and hide from the world.

AK: Yeah. Which makes perfect sense because you've experienced a huge loss and connection is a fraught place for you now. It's hard to think about forming new connections and meeting new people when actually that's the stuff that makes life really alive and vibrant, which will pull you through that process of grief.

KK: Right. That's where you heal. Absolutely. That ties in quite nicely to the fact that you are getting ready to launch a group for people who are newly grieving for the last year or so.

AK: Yeah.

KK: The group is Making New Meaning: A Grief and Loss Support Group. I'm curious, how would members who join this group benefit? What would be one of their main takeaways?

AK: Yeah, this is really the group that I wish that I had had. I went through my grief very much by myself, and it took me a long time to figure out that connection was the place I needed. I really think I want this group to be a place for people to come together and get that connection and get that aliveness from people.

KK: Absolutely. I felt such a warmth in my heart hearing you name that this was the group that you wish you had. It sounds like one of the main takeaways would be not having to look back and wish you knew then what you know now. Being able to knowingly and intentionally embrace your grief and be with other people who are navigating the same thing or struggling with what you're mainly feeling, like they're not doing it right.

AK: Yeah. Just to be clear, it's a space for connection and lightness and that sort of thing. Also a place to be a bummer and go to the dark parts too, with other people who can be there with you and know what you mean! I'm really intrigued by all the aspects of the experience.

KK: Right. I know I've heard you say it before when we have talked about grief, but one of the other concerns is the fear of being a burden for your loved ones, your family, and friends. I liked hearing you say you can come here and be a bummer. That's welcomed here. It's something that other people are meeting you in. In grief group, you don't have to worry about bringing other people down in your life. This gets to be a space that's just for you. You can bring the levity and be a bummer all in one, all at the same time.

AK: Yeah.

KK: Well, Anna, thank you so much for being here with me today. I think this is really helpful and important. I feel really excited about your grief group. I think that this is a really, it's a time that so many of us are encountering grief and loss in many different areas. This is more important now than ever. If what Anna is saying feels helpful, If you are newly experiencing grief in the last year or you have any friends or loved ones who are, please check out our group.

KK: Learn more about Anna's group and schedule a time to speak with our care coordinator to find out if this is going to be the group to help you. We look forward to connecting with you and hope to see you soon. Take care.

Found this post helpful? Read more posts about the complicated process of grief and get helpful tips in our other related posts: On Grieving Right, On Grief & Other Realms, and On How to Tell if You’re Experiencing Grief Due to Covid-19. Learn more about the grief counseling services we offer to support you.

As Anna mentioned, one of the most challenging aspects of grief is being alone, and that she wished she had a group to turn to when she was navigating her personal loss.  That is why we are excited to offer the Making New Meaning: Grief and Loss Support Group. This group will meet online weekly via secure video for 12 sessions on Tuesday evenings from 6-7:30pm starting soon! This group will help you move through big emotions surrounding loss to start to find some relief from grief, integrate your loss into your story and make meaning so that you can begin to feel alive again, find connection and support from others who not only understand, but are going through it alongside you, and so much more.

If this resonates with you, consider joining Anna’s Making New Meaning: Grief and Loss Support Group! Click this link to learn more and schedule a time to speak with our Care Coordinator to join the group. 

Therapy Services at Kindman & Co.

We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, support for artists /creative types, therapy for teens & young adults, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and therapy for therapists. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.

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