In therapy, it is very common to have questions about yourself, the therapeutic process, and your therapist. Over the years that I have practiced as a therapist, I have seen a common thread of questions that are frequently asked by my clients. At the core, therapy is an everything bagel of a place that can feel disorienting, healing, fun, and challenging—it can be really hard to see emotional progress and trust the process. Below are the top six therapy client questions that I hear A LOT and I’m hoping that they may answer many of your questions too. I know that this may not give you all of the answers you are looking for, but I hope this FAQ will help you feel validated in your experience!

what does “trust the process” mean in therapy, and how long does it take?

“Trusting the process” is a phrase that therapists often use to comfort clients in their therapeutic journey. People come to therapy in hopes of changing their approach to relationships, challenges in connecting with others, and self-exploration. Unfortunately, these topics are multilayered and it can be difficult to measure your progress towards these goals. Trusting the process invites clients to lean into their experience of healing and to have patience with both the unknown length of the process and the pieces of us that are in need of care and tenderness. 

so all we’re going to do is talk about feelings?

No way! Common ways of moving through hardships and life's challenges are in a disconnect from mind and body. You may understand the factual and logistical elements of your experience and leave the feelings overlooked. In therapy, therapists encourage people to tap into their feelings and really check in with the whole experience, not just pieces of it.  

i don’t have childhood trauma; why would we explore my upbringing?

Our first experience of being in a relationship with others is often through being with family. We learn values, morals, culture, and communication throughout our upbringing and usually carry these ways of being into adulthood. Exploring childhood experiences allows clients to reflect on their early memories of attachment to others and how this resonates with them now. Your childhood informs who you have become and is one of many integral elements in understanding you!

how do i know when i am healed?

The therapeutic journey is a lot like a spiral staircase—there are many, small steps circling the same location that lead you to a new place. At each step in the process, healing can occur in different forms. Healing is not always linear, and it can be important to revisit topics, as you can see subtle changes each time. Clients will often share when they feel ready to leave therapy and discuss this process with their therapist. If you’re not sure if you’re ready to end therapy but are thinking about it, I’d encourage you to bring this up in your next session and collaborate together with your therapist to decide if there is more work to be done at this time.

why does it feel so uncomfortable to talk about myself?

Let's be honest. Therapy is weird. Therapy is a place where clients come to talk about their most intimate life experiences knowing minimal information about the person across the room from them. This is a style of communication that does not feel familiar to most people, as conversations are typically two-sided. Especially when a therapeutic relationship is at its beginning, you are learning how to navigate the therapy room and interact with yourself at the focus. Not to mention that our culture doesn’t really teach us to value talking about our experiences and our feelings! Try to be compassionate with yourself and the discomfort that you may be feeling right now.

am i doing this right?

It's likely that you are! There are endless ways to show up as a client, and most therapists just want authentic and genuine versions of you. This means that showing up to therapy with nothing/everything to say, feeling nervous, sitting with fear, and sharing deep thoughts is all welcome. People aren’t supposed to come to therapy having well-thought-out sentences and concise stories and then leave with increased clarity! You get to be messy, imperfect, and “do it wrong” here.

Dani Marrufo is Latinx, lesbian woman who is passionate about supporting Latinx, BIPOC, and LGBTQIA+ folks. She is constantly navigating the intersections of my queer identity & religion/spirituality and very excited about helping poly and queer-identified partners to feel more secure in their relationships, communicate effectively and compassionately, and bridge any relevant cultural differences to have increased curiosity and enjoyment in their partnership.

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If you are interested in therapy with Kindman & Co. and would like to learn more about the services we have to help you, follow these quick & easy steps:

1. Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with our Care Coordinator.

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Start feeling more supported and fulfilled in your life and relationships!

THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.

We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and support for creatives. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.