Here are 5 things I wish my therapist knew - Lunar New Year Edition! These are just a couple of thoughts to consider if you are Asian and / or in the world of therapy.

1. I wish my therapist would ask me about it!

   It hasn’t even been a full month since everybody - from my co-workers, friends, waiters, and the local grocery cashier - was wishing me a ‘Happy Holidays’ or asking me about my plans for Christmas, which I don’t normally celebrate. Now that it’s a holiday I actually partake in, I would love for someone to ask me about it!
   If someone like my therapist were to ask me how I will be celebrating this Lunar New Year, it would highlight their awareness of my culture. This seemingly little action shows that they intentionally made time to research and acknowledge the holidays celebrated traditionally outside of the U.S. norms.

2. I wish my therapist wouldn’t call it Chinese New Year!

   Maybe I’m Chinese. Maybe I’m not! Either way, it’s important to learn the differences. There’s Korean Solnal, Mongolian Tsagaan Sar, Tibetan Losar, and Vietnamese Tết Nguyên Đán (to name a few). And don’t forget that China colonized many countries, so the history runs deep and words do matter.
   This level of detail can be worth considering when looking for a therapist. And if you are a therapist, educate yourself on the differences! Truly being culturally competent requires nuance.

3. I wish my therapist knew of the multitude of emotions that can come during Lunar New Year, the same as any other holiday!

   When we talk about Christmas and being “home for the holidays”, it’s not uncommon to associate it with grief, guilt, shame, and anxiety, as some may not be able to visit, others have tumultuous family relationships, or loved ones have passed away during that time of the year. It is the same for Lunar New Year.
   The pull of filial piety is felt by many Asian children, and for those who have chosen not to return home, this holiday brings feelings of guilt and shame. For those who have immigrated to the U.S., they may feel grief, loss, and sadness as they have not seen family for years on end and lose the opportunity to participate in family traditions. Thus, making space for the complex emotions surrounding this holiday is necessary.

4. I have no fourth!

   Because it is the new year after all. 4 is against my tradition and is a bad omen!

5. I wish my therapist would take initiative on staying culturally competent.

   The different holidays are just one part of someone’s culture. It takes continuous work to truly create an open space where another person of a different background feels seen. For people looking for therapists, don’t be afraid to ask any potential therapist about their understanding of your culture and experience working with folks of your culture. For people in the therapy world, do your research and training. 

This is a piece highlighting Asian culture; however, this goes for all cultures. I’ve listed a few resources for both clients and therapists:

• On Identity and Finding a Therapist Who “Gets it”

• Resmaa Menakem: Embodied Anti-Racist Education

Author’s Note: This is not for my actual therapist! (You’re great, [redacted name]!) When starting the search for a therapist again, I made cultural competency a priority, and since working with [redacted name], I feel seen, heard, and validated in my lived experiences. I hope this list helps whoever is reading to find a culturally competent therapist, even if they don’t share your identity. Finding a therapist is a process, and if you’re ever in need of support, don’t hesitate to reach out!

Amanda Lam is a queer Asian American, an aspiring therapist, and the Care Coordinator at Kindman & Co. They really enjoy connecting with others and building community. They are especially interested in working with/supporting QTPOC folx. For fun, Amanda loves to explore different coffee shops, dance, and be creative—whether through art, design, or photography.

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